Anonymous
Mierlo, Netherlands
Asshole
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Christchurch, New Zealand
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Cecilly2010
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
XxEmoWolfiexX
Indianapolis, United States
Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML
birthdayfun
United States
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
Deadman
United States
Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML
anonymous
Canada
Occam's razor
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Anonymous
He's still got it
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
Anonymous
United States
This is fine
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
CatLady
Canada
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Top comments
ApollosMyth 22
Well, lob it back? Though I will admit it is an effective way of waking someone up, that is, if you're a giant asshole.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Sounds like something the cat dragged in... Don't you love when expressions make sense?!
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Comments (36)
thebear683 6
toss him a powered up circular saw.
kozzard 17
well, that escalated quickly.
Willibobs 33
Piss in his wardrobe and say he must have done it whilst inebriated
amy6703 6
To get even, when he passes out, go to town on his face with sharpies. We will be reading his FML tomorrow :-)
Ray_of_midnight 23
Wow, assaulting you and cruelty to animals all at one go, what a jerk.
lrak 6
CPS that shit. Unless your 28 still living in your parents basement.
Nyx7 24
What a douche