Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML
Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML
Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML
Today, my ass of a husband to be stood me up at the altar. He embarrassed me in front of everyone. It was humiliating. All because apparently he’s now not OK with the mistake I made. Yes, I slept with your father, but don’t say you forgive me then leave me crying in front of everyone. FML
Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML
Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML
Today, I found out that my grandma passed away the morning of my wedding a couple of days ago and my (soon-to-be ex) husband and so-called family all conspired to keep it a secret from me so as not to upset me. FML
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Top comments
acmariner99 25
Well you could always blow some divorce papers his way.
coolmike699 26
You can't ask for a funeral blumpkin, that's grounds for divorce.
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Comments (42)
acmariner99 25
Well you could always blow some divorce papers his way.
coolmike699 26
You can't ask for a funeral blumpkin, that's grounds for divorce.
real life problems 26
We all deal with pain in different ways. One feeling, suppresses another.
badrussian79 10
Douche weasel of the month (at least) award winner there. Yeah we all process grief differently but that kin of manipulation is just beyond the pale.
MikuandKaito 24
Sad how you show more respect for her than her own grandson.
Taylor Caldwell 10
Wooooooooow
WeirdUS 30
Very true, behavior like this isn't a sign of anything healthy and usually gets worse. I'd definately conisder divorce sooner rather than later before it worse. A guy this manipulative isn't going to get better. If he does it will be be a long time before he does and if he does this sort of behavior is going to be his default reaction.
arrowmaker 15
A similar reaction happened in the movie Who’s Harry Crumb. I may be getting part of this wrong but wasn’t it the widow who said churches make her horny?
RichardPencil 32
Sounds that all you are blowing is your wedding vows. Surely, there’s some crap about supporting them through good times and bad. If he needs a supportive toilet ******* in his grieving process, well, you signed up for it.
PhoenixChick 26
No wedding vows includes being obligated to service someone sexually in a shitter, within hearing distance of family members. If he needs relief that badly he can jerk himself off.
RichardPencil 32
Your sarcasm-ometer needs to be recalibrated.
WeirdUS 30
Sarcasm doesn't usually read well in written word unless it made clear it's a joke. It's also more difficult considering there are people that actually do think that way. Also, it has to be funny just spouting stuff you'd expect to hear from family of 4chan doesn't make you hillarious.
tounces7 28
This is Richard Pencil you're talking about, literally everything he says is a joke. You must be new here.
WeirdUS 30
Not new but I'm aware jokes have to be funny. Peter Griffin the online shock jock is pretty lame
Aus Kriitika 6
******* isn’t something you need to be manipulated into.
julfunky 29
It is when it takes places in a church during a funeral.
zuckerburg 21
Woa, judgy judgy there OP. People grieve in their own way. Some make inappropriate jokes. Some try to jump on the coffin while it's going down in the ground. Some cry their eyes out (but haven't seen the person in decades), some get super drunk, some don't even pitch to the funeral because they won't be able to handle it. Some people have sex as the morbid reality of dying at any second and not knowing when it's coming is RIGHT THERE. So get off your high horse, divorce him (since you don't sound supportive or loving, ms judgy judgy) and find a guy who can handle the death of a family member the way you prescribe him to.
T3chie 13
Asshole
SneezyBear 27
You weren't there to witness the way OP's husband asked for the *******. You have no idea how entitled or passive aggressive he may have come across, and yet you immediately assume it has to be OP who's in the wrong. You might wanna look inward before you accuse others of being "judgy judgy", miss judgy judgy.
interesting33 37
I hear what you're saying and would have upvoted you if it was written in a less judgemental way of OP. OP may well be very supportive but not understand how a blownjob would help. OP's reaction is very understandable. You make good points in that it could truly be a reaction to the grief annd death in the husband's part.
Thomas333 3
Not taking sides: People get strange when stress hits. He might have just been trying for calm down. In a dirtbag kind of way.