Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML
Today, my husband showed up late to my mother's funeral. He swaggered in, happily finishing off a half-eaten taco. His excuse for why he was so cheerful: "She was an in-law, honey." Good to know I married a piece of shit in disguise. FML
Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML
Today, my ass of a husband to be stood me up at the altar. He embarrassed me in front of everyone. It was humiliating. All because apparently he’s now not OK with the mistake I made. Yes, I slept with your father, but don’t say you forgive me then leave me crying in front of everyone. FML
Today, at my grandpa's funeral, my boyfriend texted me while sitting right beside me, asking if we could have sex when the "family get together" was finally over. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML
Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML
Today, I found out that my grandma passed away the morning of my wedding a couple of days ago and my (soon-to-be ex) husband and so-called family all conspired to keep it a secret from me so as not to upset me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
acmariner99 25
Well you could always blow some divorce papers his way.
coolmike699 26
You can't ask for a funeral blumpkin, that's grounds for divorce.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (42)
weazle 13
Manipulate? Really? Divorce him? Really? It’s a ******* people calm yourselves. He could have waited till later but it’s not the end of the world
SneezyBear 27
I assume OP knows her husband, and I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. If she says he was manipulative about it rather than genuine, I'll take her word for it. There are definitely abusive people who would manipulate their partner in this way; it's not like it's an impossible scenario.
Kingchips24 5
But you still did it right??
xxWTFxx1981 23
Well I would take this as a sign that you dont give him enough blow jobs really dont see the big deal give the guy a ******** dont want to do it in the bathroom take it to the car. Married couples wonder why marriage is so bad and end up in divorce stop being uptight. Back when you were dating I bet he would of got that ******** but now your married and he is scum for asking.
Tim Carver 9
you married him... it's not like he changed over night
lexiloves 10
c'mon girl you should of sucked and swallowed. it's his Grandma. give your guy a break x
Charles Ivy 5
sounds like you clearly don't do it enough and he is trying to find anyway possible to get one
Rabite 28
Wtf is wrong with the people here who think husbands are entitled to get ******** from their wives?
WHSKitty4ever 23
Blow jobs are earned privileges
Aus Kriitika 6
It’s not that husbands are entitled to anything. It’s that in a healthy relationship if one wants to be pleasured the other one provides pleasure.
Rabite 28
That's really not how "healthy relationships" work.
campdude90 15
Girl, you clearly deserve better
1gullible_bugger 34
You're over racing a bit. All you had to do was tell him NO. I get that church was not the place, but your FML was a bit over the TOP.
tounces7 28
This wasn't obvious at all until just now?