Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML
Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML
Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML
Today, I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment when I told her I didn't have a condom. She started laughing and upon realizing my look of confusion, said "Oh, you actually thought I was going to have sex with you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to have a conversation about sex. After she finished telling me what she liked, in exact detail, I said, "Well, I really like…" She cut me off and said, "I don't give a fuck what you like." FML
Today, a girl I like was taking her phone out of her pocket and two condoms fell out. Last week I'd tried hooking up with her and she'd said that she only has sex with a man who is her boyfriend. So I said, “Oh, new boyfriend, huh?” She said, “Nah it’s for hookups, gotta be prepared!” I guess she forgot she lied to me. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
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Top comments
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
Well, you asked for it!
ninjahesten 18
apply cold water to that burn..
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Comments (72)
ninjahesten 18
apply cold water to that burn..
Shiny_nickels 14
Maybe some IcyHot cream will do for that burned pride...
I_see_your_anger 10
I believe you meant to say was "Hope ya got some burn heal!"
hugozac88 22
#1 that's a burn about a burn......that's a second degree burn!!
Polynomial 28
33, I will Seismic toss you for that!
rocketgurl 15
YDI for being judgmental dude. You probably would've gotten into that stuff if you got to do it with her.
Jinxsie 27
Assuming OP was actually judging her...
JMichael 26
Pretty sure OP said he jokingly said it.
Mrtigerblue 14
#7 true but he also said weird which is in fact judging. granted we all judge but if he had not it would have been "this cute girl was telling me about her fetishes..." adding the weird is the judgmental part IMHO
photographer49 22
#25 saying weird would come off as judgemental but it's all about how you say it. If it's jokingly then it should be taken lightly. Alot of things people say can be rude but when they say it like a joke you just laugh.
Emilyofnz 4
She could have been continuing the joke by returning the banter..
photographer49 22
Very true #41. Just the way OP phrased it, made her sound like she wasn't taking the joke
garrett_8614 14
So no one is going to ask why this girl was just talking about her sex fetishes to OP?
Brandi_Faith 34
I don't think that op was judging her at all, first off he was joking. And secondly even if he said weird, he just meant weird to him, as in his personal preferences, that's not judging. But even still op clearly said he was joking.
DonkeyTeeth2013 22
Well, you asked for it!
incoherentrmblr 22
He walked right into it...
FowlManor 1
Amen, my friend.
Welshite 40
Those standards might include lots of leather and hooks. You're good.
devildog562 33
Isn't that a normal thing ? I'm thinking fried chicken and applesauce at a Luke warm temperature.
Welshite 40
Those aren't weird. Applesauce baths are so soothing and slick and rather enticing. They are also guaranteed as an aphrodisiac. A...friend...told me.
Mauskau 36
How much applesauce do you need to make a bath out of it? :s
devildog562 33
All of a sudden I'm hungry and turned on. Imma go fry something and take a bath.... Exactly 40 gallons in my tub...
Ichiya 29
A weedeater, a live chicken, and some peach preserves.
devildog562 33
I normally don't like bush whacking as foreplay but this sound interesting .... Do the preserved peaches come in a mason jar?
laden_swallow09 35
36- I thought it was a Weed Eater, live chicken, and some Cool Whip?
Zerizle 19
She was probably joking as well, I wouldn't worry about it too much.
aruden 25
Well you were kind of asking for it.
Hollywoodgirl79 18
If the fetishes are as weird as the FML implies, you're better off without her
MrConcise 35
After you told her that her fetishes are weird, I'm not surprised at the response, you prude.
ihartmytdi 23
If you dish em be prepared to take em.
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
So u joked about her fetish and she said u didn't fit her standard...kind fair and nothing lose