Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML
Today, I woke up to find out that my practically feral cat had chewed through my laptop charger cable. I guess I won't be getting much work done today. FML
Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
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Top comments
CandyPewPewPew 29
"Your pets opened the door by themselves ran ouf of the house and they never came back."
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
There's always room for interesting excuses.
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Comments (71)
tadale 10
Tell them to get their pets under control or kick them out.
AviKerensky 17
But did he save you anything on your car insurance?
FML_Gecko 4
The gecko ate WHAT? The hell kind of a gecko is it, a Tokay?
metalhedcop 6
If you don't move your laptop very often, put hot sauce on the power cable. I hardly ever move my laptop because it's the only computer I have, so it stays on my coffee table.
rebelsrock 17
Looks like Geico didn't help you out there
Sudoc 29
My cat will literally eat my homework if I leave her alone with it
KeepItTrill 7
Someone broke in and...the cat kinda was a victim.
Guardian88 21
How, what......where do you live??
GamerG0DDESS 29
I one time, legitimately, had to give the excuse: "my dog ate my homework;" I was being honest, my teacher didn't believe me because of the cliché. I had gotten a new puppy who liked chewing paper. I brought my evidence the next day, he still didn't believe me.
ba357681 1
Dude you gotta be kitten me, iguana hear more.