Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
Today, while I have never been able to say my dog ate my homework, I do get to call several people and tell them my dog ate my wallet. He even chewed up my driver's license. FML
Today, I woke up to find out that my practically feral cat had chewed through my laptop charger cable. I guess I won't be getting much work done today. FML
Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML
Today, I woke up to find that my cat had barfed all over my laptop's keyboard and screen, filling each nook and cranny of the stuff. As if that wasn't bad enough, when I went to make coffee to deal with the stress, I found that I was out of coffee. FML
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML
Today, I got caught shoplifting a toothbrush. I'm flat broke and my roommate used my old one to scrub out her cat's puke stains off the carpet. FML
Today, my roomate took the toilet paper out of my bathroom. I went into his room to look for it, only to find a large wad of it balled up near his laptop and mouse. FML
Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML
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Top comments
CandyPewPewPew 29
"Your pets opened the door by themselves ran ouf of the house and they never came back."
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
There's always room for interesting excuses.
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Comments (71)
WinterBlue42 22
Can't help you with the gecko, but I'd suggest putting some kind of citrus on things you don't want the cat to chew up. FYL for sure though, laptop plugs are EXPENSIVE!
talk2sachinkumar 5
as long as they don't believe "dog ate the homework"... " gecko ate the pendrive" will be just too weird.
Brandi_Faith 34
Maybe OP's teacher will think the excuses are so weird they must be true? Hopefully, but not likely.
kinky44 28
The parrot tore up my textbook, the lion ate all the pencils and the elephant sat on my car. . .Whoops
interesting33 37
Are the pets okay? Those don't sound edible
blackonblight 33
Is the gecko ok?
cakefete2 31
The gecko is fine. It's good that he had... insurance.. Get it? Cuz the gecko is the mascot for Geico so he had... No, you're right... I'm sorry... I'll go think about what I've done in time out.
Dabombr 11
That was actually a pretty good pun. I'm just glad OP's roommate doesn't own any camels. "Joe." "Joe." "Joe." "Guess what day it is?"
meghan_3014 5
HUMP DAYY
aedar 16
I'm sorry for both you and the pets (hope they're okay) but this is hilarious :D
abbymackenziee 20
One time I told my teacher that my lizard pooped on my homework, he believed it in a heartbeat. I actually had a lizard, so it was completely unbelievable.
AverageJoey 18
That's one badass gecko if he can eat that and be okay.
rocker_chick23 27
When you're not using your laptop cord, put it up. Cats love chewing on cords.
Ultimawolf25 19
Yup my cat always loves chewing on mine! Good advice!
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I hope the cat is OK! One of my cats once got electrocuted by chewing on a power cord.