Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML
Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML
Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML
Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML
Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML
Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML
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Top comments
Failzoid 0
Dude. You should have joined them in the basket. Enough room for twooo ;3
Focnr 0
SPARTA
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Comments (98)
xoxkarinexox 0
5 too many?
Ninjaface 0
That gives being his bitch a whole new meaning. But overall it will make for a great relationship. He'll be loving, it shouldn't be that hard to train him, and if he ever gives you a hard time you can just threaten to get him fixed. Just make sure he's housebroken.
xxMoesLixx 0
lmao!
cmac86 24
sounds like a "to catch a predator" gone horribly wrong.
Mushu_ 0
talking to animals is cute. in moderation.
were_giraffe 2
you met a stranger online and invited him into your house? Frankly I think you're lucky that all he did was sleep in the dog's bed
ohheykiwi 2
He's probably a friend of a friend, hence the "mutual friends".
raquelspeaking 0
maybe he thinks you're really into animals so he tried to impress you with his pet-whispering skills.
SarahinSane 0
He sounds kind of cute to me.
PaperShreds 0
I'm surprised your cat stayed at the corner of your sofa for the entire night just to talk with him...I think you may have a new rival in love. Cat fight, anybody?
Jimboom 12
Awww. You made a fwend. Him sleeping in the doghouse means he thinks he is married to you now. :-P
Ice222 0
Sounds like me at a party. I'd rather spend time with pets than my friend's acquaintance who I might not know or like. Besides, if the couches are taken, I'm sure a dog bed would look mighty comfy if you're drunk enough.