Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the other house phone to make a call, and had heard it all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
Today, I was talking dirty with my husband over the phone while he was out of town. I started to verbally act out his fantasy and got quite into it. I was returned with silence. Embarrassed, I tried to hang up. Turns out the call had already been dropped, five minutes prior. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I told my friend over videochat every explicit detail of what I had in store for my boyfriend later on in the day. I only realized afterwards that her whispering during the story was her way of trying to tell me her dad was in the room listening to the whole thing. FML
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Top comments
killface_fml 0
Next time use a cell phone.
lol_everyday 0
HAHAHAHA. don't you have a cell phone???
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Comments (111)
Demon_fml 0
i can beat that! my boyfriend and i were fooling around in his truck and he hit a button on my phone and because i had just sent his mom a text it called her...thank god i heard her voicemail and was able to end the call...we have also called a friends ex girlfriend with his phone...
Muffin_boo 12
And you're proud of this...? Lol
five_k 0
idiot, that's why the cell phone was invented
kamikaze_fml 0
yes #12, thats why the cell phone was invented you idiot.
Silhouette_fml 0
I wonder how long he was listening for >_> That's a bit creepy, honestly.
xprecious05x 0
i agree..first thing i thought of when i read this was 'use a cell phone'
Blind_Ninja 0
If he listened to your entire conversation, then your dad is a sick pervert who was probably masturbating on the other line. Or, more likely (if you're dad isn't a creep), he probably just picked up the phone, heard the conversation obviously going in an inappropriate direction, then cleared his throat to let you know that he needed the phone.
Chibi_fml 9
I like how everyone automatically assumes that the OP HAS a cell phone. Not everyone has access to one, you know. And the fact of the matter is, why is it the OP's fault that his/her father was listening to the conversation? S/he can't control the actions of someone else.
BethieJean 0
#17 - that's what I'm thinking. He may have just picked up the phone and heard a few seconds of dirty talk, and cleared this throat. There is no mention of how long her dad was on the line. Also, not everyone has a cellphone.
vidaloca_fml 0
wow, if my dad had listened to that, i would think that he was the biggest perv ever. any normal father would hang up immediately. what a sicko to listen to your kid get graphic
null_fml 11
Why the hell would you use a cell phone if you're in your house? Use your brains, people. Unless you're on a plan with unlimited calling (or unlimited incoming and he called her) that's just a waste. That's if she even has a cell phone to begin with. Also, if her father was using a cordless phone it's quite possible for him to pick up without her hearing anything. Maybe her father is like mine and rarely makes outgoing calls for any reason whatsoever.