Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, I was using the restroom at school. What I thought was going to be just peeing turned into a humongous fart that echoed in the toilet bowl. Already embarrassed, I opened the door to leave. Two girls, who obviously heard, were giggling and saying, “It’s always the fat bitches.” FML
Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML
Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked, "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being a smart ass said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk… and me. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
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Top comments
chester75 5
lol I can't believe OP didn't find it awkward
puppy23 3
Real English uses s, American English uses z. We say apologise, you say apologize. Get an education.
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Comments (158)
chester75 5
lol I can't believe OP didn't find it awkward
whiskuit 0
Next assignment! Converse with me as I defecate! What does "defecate" mean? VOCABULARY HOMEWORK!
chester75 5
OP: means to discharge feces from the anal cavity. teacher: good. teacher: what does staff restroom mean?
OceanBreathesSal 5
staff room means that it was busy so you had to come take a shit here?
ienjoithinqs 0
you could use that moment to blackmail her ad get no homework for her class and get 100% on all her homework :D
chester75 5
YES that would make perfect sense, considering you have no leverage. what are you going to say " I'll tell everyone you pooped, if I dont get an A " common grow up a bit
iluvhobos 5
Annnnddd..WHY did you use the staff toilet in the first place? That's why students have their own bathrooms.
LaughinStock 16
student bathrooms r dirty i would have used staff to
YacL 15
What? No "that's a shitty situation" puns?
WordSmyth 2
That's a crap trap. There, I remixed it.
ShyAnn29 15
I used to use the staff bathrooms in highschool
ShadowSnipe 0
for those who are saying blackmail her it's against the damn law
snowdrift 6
their not that good of a teacher.....since OP clearly cant spell "apologiZe"
UnicornHooker 0
137, OP is from the UK. We spell things differently.
iluvhobos 5
137- ..and you obviously didn't have a great teacher either, since it's 'they're', retard.
redoxy_fml 0
diarrhea and apologize.. it seems like everyone who uses fml has terrible grammar and spelling
6teenlover11 0
oewww gross
SammyS2012 21
wow... UK has different spelling. come on guys...
crazy_monkey_fml 4
in england we spell it apologise.... different places = different spellings/sayings
fmlham 0
it takes two to converse. YDI!!!
Soloman212 28
My thoughts exactly. Just be like "Your foul stench has struck the words from my mouth, and I refuse to partake in any form of conversing. Good day!"
fmlham 0
or just stay quiet and not engage in any form of "shit talking"... lolz
WoAhAnNa123 0
more like ydi for using the staff bathroom when your a student..
ThanksKarma 0
#2, It doesn't always take two for a conversation.
hiyourcute 0
OP didn't even have to respond, it's not like there's etiquette rules for inter-stall bathroom conversations...
fmlham 0
a little schizophrenic are we?
fmlham 0
at 101
autezz24680 2
thumbs up!
iliketurdles 7
Urnm.. If you're insinuating it was awkward, why keep chatting?
MrSassypants 34
How would you end the conversation? "Um sorry miss but I have been constipated for a while and I'm trying to focus." "Sorry and where's your respect? Don't call me miss call me by my full name" "Sorry Mrs. Assypants." FYI my name is Mr.Sassypants but since my name gets confused I thought I'll put it into my stupid story. :/
NomOnShroomz 14
The teacher tried to make a deal with OP not to tell anyone about this and she would give her extra credit. OP obviously did not accept.
MrSassypants 34
Well if there is a kid named "anyone" that doesn't go on FML than OP still might get extra credit. I ruin everything.
JapMASTER5000 0
That logic is pretty sound Assypants.
Captain_Zorro 7
i bet he didnt give a shit XD
MrSassypants 34
44 Hey! What you called me yo? JK 8) 45 Don't you mean shat? Zing! Nevermind...
NomOnShroomz 14
Mr. Sassypants, I can hook you up with some coupons for comedy lessons if you'd like.
MrSassypants 34
75 ha thanks but I'm not really trying to be funny, just silly... and a little bit of dumbass.
NomOnShroomz 14
Well the dumbass part is working great,..
MrSassypants 34
130 lqtm ha thanks.
Taurusbaybe 8
She's got a potty mouth... :)
NeatNit 33
Who breathes with the nose in a public toilet?!
BagleHead 6
How is this an FML? "someone pooped in the bathroom, then apologized. I then talked to him." YDI, brotha, YDI
Denikk 0
I agree, this isn't really an FML... then again, it's not pleasant either.
hellica2557 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Obviously they failed at teaching you since you can't spell apologize.
puppy23 3
Real English uses s, American English uses z. We say apologise, you say apologize. Get an education.
kiakia0131 23
I wonder why we spell stuff differently in America... I would be fine with UK spellings.
abes22 0
obviously you don't know much about other countries.
puppy23 3
After the revolutionary war you changed the spellings to make a conscious break from your association with the uk. It's not just spelling either, we say crisps meaning chips, our chips are your french fries, you say sidewalk we say pavement. Your suspenders are our braces, our suspenders are your garters. It's great fun to learn about!
A7X_LoVeee 10
It's amazing how ignorant people are.
lottso88 4
What's a garter?
SexyQueen0905 24
Wow, you retard! They spell apologize like "apologise" in England! Go get an education!
mad_hatter0666 22
there is no "real" and "fake", just different dialects. get some manners. :)
KiddNYC1O 22
#6- Go to your room.
MrSassypants 34
I thougt someone was most likely to say "diarrhoea" is misspelled and say it is "diarrhea" but looks like someone attacked "apologise". Probably because no one wants to attack diarrhoea. 8)
ash1rose 11
Obviously you fail at life if you don't know UK English has different spellings from American English.
cheesecake_36 6
so you only cared about how the person spelled apologize? that's not the real problem here! :P
california283 6
it's not that amazing how ignorant some people are. you can't expect everyone to know everything. just correct them and move on with your life. no need to insult them too!
kay2kay 1
Somehow I knew to read this in my British accent.
Havin 19
Love your enthusiasm about education! Yes, I'm serious.
goshpeople 4
This isn't an FML; it's an amusing episode in the life of a student. I didn't feel bad for the OP. Instead, I smiled.
chester75 5
how could you still talk while being surrounded by the awful stench.
Itstherealjen 0
once my teacher even fart in the washroom..
PSQ91 6
Oh nooo, tell us more about it please.
fmlham 0
also, what the hell are you doing in the staff bathroom if you're a student? YDI x2
hilariexcore 0
Her school may not have staff bathrooms. My high school didn't.
Tracy_Evans 2
But it says she used the staff toilets :/