Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by, "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. Then we continued to chat. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML
Today, I was using the restroom at school. What I thought was going to be just peeing turned into a humongous fart that echoed in the toilet bowl. Already embarrassed, I opened the door to leave. Two girls, who obviously heard, were giggling and saying, “It’s always the fat bitches.” FML
Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML
Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked, "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being a smart ass said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk… and me. FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML
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Top comments
chester75 5
lol I can't believe OP didn't find it awkward
puppy23 3
Real English uses s, American English uses z. We say apologise, you say apologize. Get an education.
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Comments (158)
CaptinObvious467_fml 2
Ydi for not holding it. Ydi for not eating less fiber. This all could have been avoided
melchibr_fml 0
Ydi for thinking that your comment is funny
CaptinObvious467_fml 2
Ydi for thinking I give a shit
XxXPromiseXxX 0
.oh...well then
perdix 31
Why are you using the staff toilets if you are a student? As much as seeing "diarrhea" spelled the American way reliably makes me giggle, seeing it spelt (see what I did there?) the British way makes me laugh so hard I fart!
Lidiya8lml 0
nice to know the extra details
Manishipa 0
17, you fail at life.
chester75 5
sorry 64 I have to disagree with you on that, 17 is one of the funniest guys on FML, and just because you fail at life doesn't mean you have to bring others down.
FMLidiot 12
read 64's bio..doesn't look like long before another ban
bluegoldfish 7
yeah 17 is pretty cool, don't hate him when youre just sour cause you havent got any grapes since the mods deleted yours 64 :)
schaflava 0
Chester, you should start eating ass instead of just kissing it.
chester75 5
no hanks I'll pass Tom
Lidiya8lml 0
gross
melchibr_fml 0
you should have treated it like a challenge and made a bigger splash
hawty12345 0
I love the name you used, "IPityTheStool". :"D
liy223 6
"I do apologize" it could have ended there and I would have been cracking up. glorious...
BWill9014 4
I hate when people try to make conversation with you while you're on the toilet
eminemchick 19
its just human nature to have diarrhea and apologize afterwards.XD
No1LikesTunaHere 0
Yeah this happened to me one time and shook their hands after too...