Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
Today, I found a banana peel on the clean floor. My 4-year-old son said that he was playing Spider-Man and trying to slip. I picked it up and while walking to the kitchen garbage can, slipped on the actual banana. I slid across the kitchen floor, fell, and bruised my tailbone. He laughed. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Tomfish3000 0
That is absolutely disgusting. Eugh, I feel for you.
ninjaxprincess89 0
and i wouldve gotten arrested cuz that baby wouldve been slapped
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Comments (80)
maurambie 9
my teacher once ate a cricket.
Jewbenita 0
i was expecting her to shove a piece of clay into your mouth lol
teddi76 2
She was feeding them to you from her TRAY which one would assume was on her high chair since she is a toddler after all and yet she picked up a cricket from the floor. So either this is fake or you gave her a tv tray so either way YDI
EverdreamOfMe 24
YDI for letting a toddler feed you. Kids are ******* nasty even when they aren't trying to feed you crickets.
worldclassrager 41
I have to say that is an odd way of wording...well I think so... A little extra protein won't kill you...
Alinafshah2204 14
Why was the toddler feeding you and not the other way around
fantasyworld 39
Gross.
whycantisignup 24
At least it wasn't alive?
spoof1 8
Jeez! Before I finished reading, I thought you were going to say that you bit the kids finger off!
Jeremy Phillips 18
How do you know it was crunchy? Did you bite down before spitting it out?