Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML
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Top comments
Treffersonn 0
Call 911 genius
Mirorbo 27
Just lie so you can get the medical attention! Groundation is a lot nicer than possible death from not being able to breathe!
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Comments (362)
superJohnny 0
hahaha that sucks FYL
MyAssIsCute 5
I love ur pic ... makes me feel guilty :o
kdz 0
super fake. how are you gonna write on fml but not call 911 or just go to the hospital by yourself. how old are you already? cut the umbilical cord
redbluegreen 41
You do realise all FMLs start with "Today" and are phrased in the present sense, right? It doesn't necessarily mean it happened today.
Buzz3070 3
Get a friend or neighbor to drive you to the hospital, then inform them that your mother refused to take you because of some crackpot theory she concocted.
mruizk9 7
atleast they still do it lol
mrredkneck 2
just tell her you kissed someone it ain't hard
5t3ff1k4h 47
So then "fess up" just to get her to take you. You know she's wrong, and if your refusal to give up your pride to get help is the only thing getting in your way, suck it up and deal with it. If you know you're right, that's all that matters.
perdix 31
Just take the fall and admit that you kissed someone! That's better than telling the truth that you were sucking balls and you got a little too vigorous, and now there's some poor bastard out there walking around with an empty scrotum.
slushpup9696 12
There should be a tumblr called Perdix Saves the Day and it should just be screenshots of the FML followed by Perdix's comment.
tacocannon99 5
I'm the empty scrotum. it's weird not carrying 40 pound testis in my clammy "dime sacks." I got kicked from the circus! thanks OP! *furiously jabs a Winchester blade into my pleading scrotum and saw the blade at my raw, meaty scrotum*
cowruleworld 0
y didn't u call 911? or just lie it's better than risking possible death …
mismonroe 0
Maybe she'd prefer you gave her the story about the dick that savagely beat your tonsils instead. :)
HU4L188 0
haha 64
mismonroe 0
44- ON WHAT?!? WHAT CAN I SUCK ON?!