Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I have an excruciatingly sore throat due to chronic canker sores around my uvula. Every bite of food I swallow brings tears to my eyes. I had enough of dad calling me a wimp at dinner over it and shoved my food onto his plate. He's now faking allergies to food we've had for years, just to take the piss out of me. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML
Today, I got a one-inch fish bone stuck in my throat. I went to the doctor, who claimed he couldn't see the long white thing embedded next to my tonsil. He charged me $70, and told me to eat some bread. I had to pull it out myself with a pair of tweezers. FML
Today, I woke up with horrible pain in my gut. It got worse and worse, and I started vomiting from the pain. My mom said it was the flu and that I needed to "man up." It turned out to be appendicitis, and I'm now typing this from my hospital bed. FML
Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML
Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML
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Top comments
Treffersonn 0
Call 911 genius
Mirorbo 27
Just lie so you can get the medical attention! Groundation is a lot nicer than possible death from not being able to breathe!
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Comments (362)
Shayton 12
make up someone then. idiot.
kaykay9080 5
What he said. And to you op aww p00r b@bii i feeeel s00 sayudd. n_n
Yogo_fml 7
You both are idiots
ifailplzinsultme 0
Atleast put some intelligence into your comments. How much harder is it to say baby instead of b@bii? Shouldn't it be easier?
t765234 10
208- Yes, but that way she can pretend she is cool and not just retarded.
Weetart 8
Got it before, you probably have tonsillitis. And Op if your so called mother won't drive you to the hospital take the damn bus or get a ride from another family member or friend. You mother seems to lack concern for your health so don't wait for her slow ass to act.
fabcade 14
I hope you called 911 then social services for your mom's abuse and neglect.
kebodle1 0
damn right.
fwodyqbco654 0
that sucks. :/
lxmadmardiganxl 0
so you have enough time to get on FML but not call the hospital? your a genius!
Mirorbo 27
Just because every FML begins with "Today" doesn't mean it happened today.
SaturnineBears 1
Says the one who put "your" instead of "you're."
SamInThe407 4
tell her you kissed a girl so she can budge and the tell the doc your story so she can feel like an idiot when she hears it's not from kissing
bankrupt 15
Call 911 yourself and watch her get arrested for child abuse.
kaykay9080 5
Yes. Everyone loves dick.
brianjman14 23
No, everyone loves boners.
je_suis_fml 11
you can always suck on...