Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML
Today, I finally told the girl I'm in love with how I've felt ever since we first met six years ago. She let me know that not only does she not feel the same way, she's always considered me a creep and only ever hung out with me because of our mutual friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend got jealous because I wanted to adopt a puppy. FML
854alice tells us more.
854alice 18
Hey, Op here. I saw that this got posted (rather unexpectedly I might add) and I feel like I need to clear this up. First off to those saying she is crazy or I should leave her, you shouldn't really judge a book by its cover and know the full story before making comments like that. She is the kindest and most wonderful person I have ever met in my life. Se didn't intend to tell me that she was jealous, Unfortunately, like myself, she has barely any filter so she ended up blurting it out to me anyway. I found it funny and entertaining since it was so out of her character and we've both been laughing about it since. She did end up loving the pup once I showed her some pictures and I'm still hoping to adopt if he's still available. I just thought it was a funny moment in our lives and just wanted to share.
Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML
Today, at my engagement party, I overheard my future father-in-law saying he was happy his son was marrying "the dumb, pretty one" because all the "smart ones" he dated at university were "nerds with small tits." FML
Today, my now-ex dumped me at a house party, which I then couldn't leave, as all my things were at his house, where I was meant to be staying. FML
Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML
Today, I was dumped via text halfway through my 8-hour bar shift. I had to deal with my co-workers and customers asking me how my vacation with my now-ex was for the next 4 hours. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend for the first time. They spent the entire meal trying to convince him to dump me, all while I was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML
Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML
Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend texted my dad, letting him know they'd got married a few weeks ago. This wouldn't be so bad if we hadn't driven 6 hours to see them yesterday to celebrate their engagement and discuss potential wedding plans, while they went along with it. They even suggested dates. FML
NewUsername tells us more.
NewUsername 26
Hey, OP here. I'm a girl, so why FML listed me as a guy...I have no idea. Anyway, I'm here to clear some things up. Why we drove so far to see them was because we're both in college and we don't get to see my parents or each other often. My parents and I went out there to celebrate their engagment because we probably won't be able to see them until maybe July, and they had already been engaged a month before we drove there to buy them dinner in March. It didn't bother us so much that they got married without telling us, it's that they lied and egged us on, and had his wife tell my dad through text. They promised they are going to have a ceremony sometime in the next 5 years, but they asked us not to tell the rest of they family they're already married. So now, we're lying to the rest of our excited, curious family. We weren't there to plan anything, the topic just came up during dinner, since well, we were celebrating an engagement. We figured they married for financial aid and tax purposes (given they're both in college and are barely getting by) which is fine by us. They had already been living together for a few years and moved across the state together, so it's not like them eloping was unexpected. We just don't know why they felt they had to lie when they had the chance to discreetly pull one of us to the side and tell us in person the day before. Sorry for the book, but I hope that clears some things up!
Today, my girlfriend got super paranoid when I received flowers, along with a card saying what a "lovely time" the sender had last weekend. My girlfriend decided this was proof I'd cheated on her. The card was signed "Vanessa," which is also her mother's name. Who stayed with us last weekend. FML
Today, while meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, the first comment I received was, "Well, at least this one is white." FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML
Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML
Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML
Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML
Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's parents consider me more of a clingy friend than a girlfriend. We have been together over 5 years. FML
Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML
Today, I learned that the only reason my girlfriend stayed with me is because I drove us to school every morning. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend removed me from Facebook last week. Turns out she didn't want me to see pics of her with a new boyfriend. How I found out? My coworker, her new boyfriend, left his messenger open during lunch. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML
Today, I finally worked up the courage to break up with my boyfriend. His parents weren't able to pick him up for 5 hours. I ended up taking him to a movie to kill time and end on a positive note, but now he thinks we're cool and back on track. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML
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