Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML
Today, it was confirmed that I have ADHD and moderate OCD. My mom thinks I do it on purpose to seek attention. I'm shy, and I don't even like people. FML
Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML
Today, I saw that Trump is cutting funding to Medicaid and freezing the portals everywhere. Medicaid covers the medicine I need to stay alive, and I can't afford it otherwise. I'm only 25, I don't want to die. FML
Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML
Today, it's been three months since I had a GI virus. In this time, all the tests I've done so far came out negative at the doctor's. I've changed my diet, haven't drank alcohol, nor was I a habitual drinker. The bouts of nausea and vomiting keep coming back on random days. I cannot get the right amount of nutrients. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some fun at around 3:00 am and during our fun I flipped her over quite roughly and, as she landed on the bed, I'd accidentally dislocated her shoulder. For the next 2 hours we didn’t know whether to call an ambulance or her sister, so we had to put it back in place ourselves. FML
Today, I was jogging through the park and in my enthusiasm I thought I’d be able to jump over a bench in my stride. I tripped mid-jump, landed face-first in the grass, and scared a group of schoolkids who were on a tour of the city. FML
Today, I fell asleep while watching Rocky and Bullwinkle. I then had an extremely vivid dream that I was going after Russian spies. FML
Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML
Today, thanks to a wonderful -40°F wind chill (I'm in the Midwest), I woke up this morning to a freezing cold house. I had to wear my shoes, a coat, and gloves. Indoors. For the whole morning and most of the afternoon. FML
Today, after months and months of trying to get my blood pressure back up to normal, and try to get back to optimal health, my doctor told me I'll never get better for the rest of my life. FML
Today, I was happily messing around with my girlfriend's toddler niece. I suddenly sneezed, coughing out a tonsil stone as big as a raisin. Before I could even react, she horrifyingly said, "Oh no! Your brains came out!" My girlfriend started to laugh, saying, "That's just about right!" FML
Today, my parents brought me to the doctor because I was "faking" a headache. One thing led to another, and it turns out I have a tumor pressing against my spine. FML
Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if…" as he flung it around, and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML
Today, I was getting a full-body massage at a spa when the masseuse dropped hot stones directly on my stomach. As I jumped up in shock and slight pain, the oils and towels all fell off me, leaving me completely naked in front of the spa receptionist. FML
Today, after just returning to work from recovering from an e-scooter crash, a man raced through a red light on his e-scooter while I was crossing the road, and nearly collided with me. If I hadn’t frozen in place, he absolutely would have. FML
Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML
Today, at the age of 36, I had to write up my will. FML
Today, I was cleaning my garage and decided to put my motorcycle helmet on with the strap, to see if it still fits. A huge spider crawled down the inside of the helmet and I freaked out trying to get the strap off. I then tripped on my daughter’s scooter and dislocated my left pinky toe. FML
Today, I found out that, despite the name, it is indeed possible to get swimmer's ear without ever actually going swimming. Am I dumb, or am I right to be confused? I suppose it could be worse, but… how? FML
Today, I have problems with my memory. I asked a teacher if I could let my class know a bit about it. The teacher said I'd already told my class about it. My class had even asked a few questions to me about it. I don't remember anything about it. Maybe it didn't happen and the teacher just lied to me. FML
Today, I went outside to start jogging for improving my ever declining fitness. A kind stranger yelled, “You’re doing great!” as I was wheezing after my first block. I was sitting on a bench. FML
Today, I seized in the shower, making me trip over the edge of the tub, which is when I then smashed my face against an open toilet and broke my nose. Thank you epilepsy. FML
Today, I went hiking in China. I knew I was unfit, I didn't know I was "being overtaken by an old lady leading a donkey" unfit. FML
Earl_KarmasBitch tells us more.
OP here. I wasn't expecting this to get published. The longer version of the story is that with a couple of friends I decided to go on a hike through Tiger Leaping Gorge on the banks of the Yangtze River. One of the big problems with the hike is the altitude. Much of the hike is at around 2km above sea level. Basically, after around 4 hours of hiking almost continuously uphill I was pretty tired. One friend was also tired and took an offer to get a donkey ride to the top of the 28 bends (the most notoriously difficult part of the whole 2-day hike). The woman who owned the donkey wasn't actually that old, probably early 50's (I'm 40ish) and works taking travellers to the top of the bends. I was tempted to also get a donkey but elected to instead give my backpack to my friend on the donkey and try to race him up the slope on foot. The two of us actually hiking the bends set off while the woman who owned the donkey saddled it. I actually felt pretty good that it was only at the 16th bend that she managed to catch up with us. That was until I noticed that she'd decided that my bag was too heavy for the donkey and she was carrying it herself! But in the end I did complete the entire hike. Got some amazing photos and really enjoyed myself. Probably got a bit fitter too.
Today, I tried to get some "quality me-time" by taking a bubble bath. Ten minutes in, my needy cat started howling like it was the end of the world, so I jumped out to see what was happening. Nothing. She's just going to do that every time I try to take a bath. No relaxing allowed, it seems. FML
Today, I was on a Zoom call with my therapist and we were discussing my PTSD. He assured me that I was safe and no one would burst into the room. Just then, my mom burst into my room and started screaming about dirty dishes. FML
Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML
Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML
Today, I (32F) tried to break a two month dry spell with my boyfriend of five years. He pointed out a cold sore on my lip. I never got cold sores before I met him. FML
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