Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML
Today, due to being stressed and overwhelmed by my tasks, I made a mistake and completed a few of my colleagues' tasks as well. When I informed my boss about it, he said that I did an outstanding job, but I shouldn't have messed with other people's documents. As a result, my promised raise is cancelled. FML
Today, we did a Secret Santa at work and instead of buying cringe romance novels and candy for this other girl, I bought her a fantasy novel and a bag of dried mangos. When I went to leave for the day, I found both of my thoughtful gifts in the trash can. FML
Today, my subordinate didn't come to work. I called him several times, and it seemed like he just overslept, which has happened before. As I was filing the report about this, the police came to interrogate me because this guy took his life last night and blamed us in his note. I have no idea what I did wrong. FML
Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML
Today, I sat my husband down for a talk for him to stop going to his female coworker’s house until 1-2am. He insists they’re doing work projects. He became so offended that I thought otherwise that he thrashed the entire living room, stomped out of the house, and slammed the door, completely dislodging it. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl I really like at my work. Everything was going fine until our boss called me into his office. Apparently I was being a little too flirty with his daughter. FML
Today, my coworker was examining my office area because I plan on submitting my resignation on Monday and she's in charge of office space. Another coworker was eavesdropping and emailed my boss to tell him I'm resigning and she would like to use my office space for other reasons. He didn't know I was leaving yet. FML
Today, my coworker threw a bitch fit about not getting a promotion she'd applied for. My other coworker had got it, so after her fit, management worked something out: they gave the promotion to her, and the coworker that originally had it was given a promotion that I'd been promised for months. Now I have none. FML
Today, one of my coworkers decided it'd be funny to tell our boss that I made creepy comments about his teenage daughter. The worst part is that the aforementioned lying coworker is my mother. I wish I was joking. FML
Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. Then I dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML
Today, after trying to report my coworkers for bullying me for being fat, HR seriously had the gall to say to not let it get to me and if I’m so bothered by it, then I should do something about it and improve my lifestyle. Apparently, “You can’t control people, but you can control your circumstances.” FML
Today, a colleague texted me to say that I needed a haircut. Today was also the first day I attempted to ‘do’ my hair in about 5 years. Clearly, I shouldn’t have bothered. FML
Today, my lunatic conspiracy theorist coworker started ranting about meat bans. I rolled my eyes, but he pulled up my city's website, where they said they wanted to "phase out" meat and dairy consumption by 2030. These nuts are supposed to be wrong! What the fuck? FML
Today, it yet again feels like everyone at my job hates me. I'm doing almost everything they do with two people on shift, while I have the solo shift, but I'm constantly told I'm not good enough. I just wanna be happy again. FML
Today, a work colleague announced that she's organising a bit of a party. She then said, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited, to "avoid ruining the vibe." FML
Today, without realizing it, I just overstepped what is known in business as "The Competence Zone." Now any work that needs to get done properly (AKA all of it) is foisted off onto my overworked ass because I'm the only one who can do the work both competently and quickly. All I did was do the work I was given. FML
Today, I hosted a meeting planned two weeks in advance with my business partners and a new work associate, who was supposed to propose a new business plan. The new associate didn't show up, and hadn't given me a heads-up. He wouldn't answer his phone either. FML
Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML
Today, I'm thinking of quitting the awesome job I love with coworkers I adore, because I keep fucking up every part of my job, making them pick up the pieces and correct my failures. They don't deserve this. FML
Today, my German colleague complained that when I spoke German, I had a Swiss accent in it, which was "not nice to hear". Well Honey, we live in Switzerland, what accent did you expect us to have when you moved here? FML
Today, I came in to what was already going to be a long day at work. All of my coworkers no-showed. With them, it probably would've taken about 5-6 hours to get all my work done and go. It took ten hours. My feet hurt. FML
Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, "Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML
Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my coworker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML
Today, I went to my husband’s work party where employees could bring a plus one. There, I met the colleague he talks so much about. She looked noticeably disappointed and said to my husband, “Wife?! You told me you were single!” We’ve been married for 7 years. FML
Today, my 73 year-old coworker has made a mountain of work for me to plough through due to her incompetence. I had to work through over 400 emails, since she thought unplugging the router would help, and in doing so, I have picked up on hundreds of mistakes she has made with clients, and had to apologise to each one. FML
Today, I came back to work after 4 days off, as I'd worked a whole month with no weekends or days off, 8-12 hours per day. I came back to over 200 unread emails, 300 emails to send, and over 50 arrears collection calls to make by 2pm. It appears that my coworker did nothing the whole time I was off. FML
Today, a coworker asked me out and we’ve been on a few dates. I had no idea why she’d want to date me, until after we had sex and she started crying and confessed she was molested as a teen, and since her attacker was short and gross like me, she wanted to use me to work out her repressed issues. FML
Today, I got fired from my job. Turns out, just because the new redheaded guy at work doesn't say anything about you calling them "Ed Sheeran" all the time doesn't mean he's not reporting it to management. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
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