Today, I climbed into my junky old car and was pleasantly surprised that the AC came on. I patted the dash and said, "Thanks, buddy." Ten minutes later, as I was tearing down the highway, the engine threw a rod. FML
Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML
Today, my girlfriend found the airtag I'd stuck under her car. The police were called and she kicked me out of her apartment. FML
Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML
Today, I went blueberry picking for the first time since I was a kid. In a huge lot with no one in it, a pickup truck choose to block us into a corner lot spot. When asked to move, the pickup driver said, “I hope the shade spot was worth it.” He then flashed a gun! FML
Today, I called my auto insurance company to try to get some discounts and lower my rate. I ended up adding $30 to my monthly payment. FML
Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML
Today, my friend and I stopped at a convenience store. She mentioned that it was was "a bad part of town", and I angrily reminded her that just because it's a poor area doesn't make it bad, and that she needed to be more tolerant. We then got jumped, beaten, and robbed. FML
Today, I went to pick my daughter up from school, only to find that a contractor had parked his car across my driveway. After squeezing my car out, I went to drive out of my street, only to find it had been blocked off. I drove in the other direction to find that a bulldozer was blocking the other end. FML
Today, I was driving when I saw that a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me, he was admiring my truck. This is the fifth time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML
Today, my wife got rear-ended and won't call the police, file an insurance claim, or send a photo of the wreck. She's too busy boozing it up in the city with her girlfriend. This is going to be an expensive lesson in adulting. FML
Today, I just found out that my local drag strip, where the best races in my area were held, is being shut down to build a truck stop. It was sold out of nowhere, with no warning. It was the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week. FML
Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood, I was hit by a car, not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped, then drove forwards to see if I was alright. FML
Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML
Today, my step-mom let me practice driving, since I got my permit the other day. I mistook the gas for the brake and launched our dog into the windshield. The dog is okay, but my sister, who was also in the car, will never let me live this down and caught it on video. FML
Today, my mom and I went to visit my Dad to wish him happy birthday. I was at a red light, waiting to make a left-hand turn into the only driveway, and once the light turned green, I was unable to go, because another car was coming out. Cars behind me were beeping. I was turning into the cemetery. FML
Today, my car is so unreliable that I received a letter saying that it had been kicked out of the American Automobile Association. FML
Today, I went for a drive to clear my head of relationship issues. That night, I got pulled over. Lost the car and my license. I texted my girlfriend, saying I was sorry; she left. Lost her too. FML
Today, I found my street parked car was crashed into overnight and is no longer able to be driven. I just spent $4k getting it fixed so I could sell it, and I only had it with me in the city because the day before someone tried to KIA Boys hack steal the other car I was driving, making that one unable to be driven. FML
Today, my car broke down at a red light. A man pulled up next to me and yelled at me to get out of the fast lane. I thought he was gonna offer help, as I was a young woman on her own, but he just yelled at me and sped off. FML
Today, my sister got a speeding ticket in the mail. A month ago, I got pulled over and used her name, intending to take care of it but forgot. She's going to the police station to review the footage. FML
Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic, only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML
Today, my mechanic asked me if I wanted to keep my car's aftermarket tracking system, which he found had died. That’s when I realised that my ex-husband must have installed that after our divorce, and it’s been in there for over 6 years. God only knows how long it tracked me before dying. FML
Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML
Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML
Today, my car was totaled when a semi passed me and blew his transaxle out of his truck into my car. I travel for work and just got my job. I also just put plates on my car. It’s now triggered my PTSD from another car accident I was injured in. I keep crying from flashbacks. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML
Today, I found out the guy who rejected me just two days ago, and who told me he was “asexual” and “incapable of feeling romantic love” is in fact very sexual, and very much in love, in the backseat of his SUV with another girl. FML
Today, after dating someone for a year and a half, upon meeting his mother for the first time he'd told me she has bad anxiety and that he’s going to introduce me as his friend, and the only reason I was meeting her was because she was selling her deceased husband's car. FML
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