Today, it was my 21st birthday and I invited a handful of my best friends over. They all stood me up and I drank alone in my apartment. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML
Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML
Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML
Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML
Senseless_487 tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here. While the music itself wasn't the worst thing in the world, and I did find out that Luke Bryan can be very funny, I found that the people who attend country concerts really aren't my cup of tea (I'm more of a pop punk/alternative kind of guy, i.e. blink 182, Yellowcard, etc.). To answer one question about getting punched, it turns out the guys behind me were very drunk and felt like messing with someone, and they picked me. So they each punched me in the head, and then one of them dropped the beer on me. I didn't have to do anything about it because the people around us kicked their asses and made them leave. And as to the people saying "suck it up," we all do things we don't enjoy for love, but when it crosses the line to physical violence and bodily harm, it becomes something that you can bitch about. She puts up with my geeky shit all the time without complaint, and I wouldn't have had a single complaint about spending my night at a country concert, but I went home cold, wet, smelling of beer, and in a lot of pain. I earned the right to bitch a little bit.
Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML
Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and panicked because I couldn't find my blankie. I'll be 36 in a month. FML
Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML
Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML
Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes, and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way is better than yours." FML
Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML
Today, I called a cab to get me and my cat home from the vet. After a 40 minute wait and three calls to the taxi company, the operator told me that the driver she sent to my location just confirmed that he already has a woman with my name and a cat in his car. FML
Today, I found out that I owe my college a little over $10,000. Why? Because, due to a slight misspelling of my name, the scholarship that I have been going insane trying to meet the requirements for is not actually giving me any funding. FML
Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML
Today, it's my birthday. The only gift I got was a book on the history of cancers. Not the illness, the zodiac sign. I'm a Virgo. I don't even like astrology. FML
stupidpplsuck tells us more.
op here i wouldn't have cared about not getting a gift at all, especially since money is a little tight right now. But the fact that there was a gift and it was something that doesn't really pertain to me or my interests is was got me a little down. I'm still gonna read it and I appreciate the thought, but I would have preferred just a card or something.
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML
Today, I was babysitting two brothers, 3 and 5. As I was getting the youngest ready to go outside, the older boy, threw open the door, shucked his clothing, and ran off into the woods. I had to carry the 3-year-old as I ran my asthmatic ass after him. FML
K_nightlight tells us more.
K_nightlight 19
Hi, OP here. I'm not gonna just tell you their names, so I hope you realize that 3 and 5 are their ages. And a leash would have been a very good thing to have for this kid. He's a wild little kid alright. Lucky for me his brother, the 3 year old, likes me so he doesnt do stuff like this. And yeah, I live way way up north, and their house is nestled in the woods so it's a struggle to keep them out of it.
Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML
Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I call someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML
Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML
Today, I was participating in an activity to join a program which I really wanted to join. One of the teachers in charge seemed to notice my efforts and asked if I wanted to join the program. I said yes, thinking I had a chance. She laughed, shook her head before saying no and walking away. FML
Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML
Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML
Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML
Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML
Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML
Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML
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