Fairla31 · 22 July 2022, 14:00 ·Tampa, United States

Pull your finger out

Today, I found out the job temp agency that got me my new job still hasn't setup my orientation from two weeks ago. When I called the actual job to speak to the supervisor, they told me they had never heard of me. I turned down two other job offers, paying slightly better, because this was my dream job getting into healthcare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058 You deserved it 147

1 comment Share

Anonn · 22 July 2022, 12:00

Uncanny valley

Today, after yet another first date, I was once again told I'm a nice, sweet guy with a rocking body, interesting hobbies, easy to talk to and so on, but she just can't get over how I look like Shrek after a bad car accident, and won't be going on a second date. This is the fourth woman to compare me to Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274 You deserved it 132

7 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Suspicious minds

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I thought it was going to be an intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 137 You deserved it 45 393

53 comments Share

anondad · 22 July 2022, 06:00 ·Talisay, Philippines

Scapegoat

Today, I thought I'd start my day bright and positive but then people around me started blaming me for almost anything that's not going well for them, like missing pictures, dirty house, and even stains in the kitchen but I don't have anything to do with any of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964 You deserved it 175

3 comments Share

never be the same · 22 July 2022, 04:00 ·United States

What a waste

Today, I realized just how much of my life I’ve wasted. I was always raised with the “What will people think?” ideology by religious zealots. The anxiety it gave me influenced everything from what I wore, to where I went, even what I studied in school. I wish I’d been strong enough to be myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100 You deserved it 222

6 comments Share

dummy · 22 July 2022, 02:00

Exciting!

Today, the most excitement in my week has been getting my new electric toothbrush in the post. I honestly can’t wait for it to charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756 You deserved it 214

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 22 July 2022, 00:00

All grown up

Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149 You deserved it 259

6 comments Share

Rusty · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·New City, United States

Keep it down

Today, I'm actually starting to miss my former heroin addict neighbor because of how mellow he was compared to my new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 202 You deserved it 2 586

58 comments Share

Anonymous · 21 July 2022, 18:00

Take your pencil and shove it

Today, I realised I will never be as important to my mom as her career. I asked if we could spend the day together on my birthday and she offered to “pencil me in” on one of her slower days in September. My birthday is in August, but apparently that’s inconvenient for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292 You deserved it 158

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 21 July 2022, 16:00

Follow through

Today, my kid was on an app that makes fart noises. After too many minutes of this, I wrestled the phone away. He then went on to make real farts. Stinky ones. Then, had the inevitable shart, along with hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900 You deserved it 283

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 21 July 2022, 12:00

Canined

Today, my boyfriend has severe dog phobia, and a dog off its lead ran up to him in a car park. He panicked and tried to jump into the car, but the door hit it in the head and it started fitting and seizing. About three people called the police and the dog's owner broke our car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139 You deserved it 288

2 comments Share

Laura · 21 July 2022, 10:00

Parasocial relationships

Today, my friend was telling me about her issues with her boyfriend, and I said, "Damn, that sounds just like a couple I know!" She asked me who, which is when I realised I was actually thinking about Davide and Ekin-Su on Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218 You deserved it 849

2 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Pissed

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard, she pissed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 155 You deserved it 20 712

147 comments Share

Destitute · 21 July 2022, 06:00

Red flags

Today, I learned that when communication is getting shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else. My husband never tells me about his day anymore, but he constantly texts his coworker outside work. He vehemently insists she’s only a coworker and nothing else, and he’s “allowed to have friends”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256 You deserved it 221

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 21 July 2022, 04:00

Deranged

Today, my half-sister lied and told my mom I got a girl at school pregnant. My mom is unreasonable at the best of times, but after a full hour trying to get me to name this nonexistent girl, she's calling every parent from school to check if their daughters are hiding a secret pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264 You deserved it 101

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 21 July 2022, 02:00 ·Gladwyne, United States

Nagging

Today, I found out that my nephew isn’t actually aroace (aromantic/asexual). He lied so I would stop asking him about his love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148 You deserved it 2 058

7 comments Share

Lisa · 21 July 2022, 00:00 ·Bow, United States

Diuretics

Today, my water pills are almost identical to my sleeping pills, so not only did I not get any sleep, I had to get up every 15-30 minutes to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722 You deserved it 329

2 comments Share

tcm123 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Champaign, United States

Make it stop

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 094 You deserved it 1 685

69 comments Share

Sparky · 20 July 2022, 18:00

Alexa, play "Fast Cars" by Buzzcocks

Today, I was sent to the hospital after being hit by a car while on my bicycle. The police officer said it was my fault for not looking, even though the car pulled up without looking. I now have a small herniated disc in my neck and abrasions on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989 You deserved it 251

4 comments Share

mother of a weirdo · 20 July 2022, 16:00

Judge Judy

Today, my teenage daughter came out into the living room and began belting out a song. When I cleared my throat, she screamed, turned beet red, and said, “I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE!” She’d been hiding all day, and to say I'm judging her would be an understatement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762 You deserved it 515

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 20 July 2022, 14:00

This is not a choice

Today, I came out to my parents. Now my dad only refers to me as "Nancy Boy", and not in a nice way, that’s if he even bothers to speak to me at all. Mostly he just pretends I don’t exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297 You deserved it 358

7 comments Share

Anonymous · 20 July 2022, 12:00 ·United States

Emergencies can't be choosers

Today, my mom argued with me that I should have went to an emergency room a further 18 minutes away from me, during a near fatal allergic reaction, so I would've received "better care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 900 You deserved it 88

5 comments Share

DoubleXed · 20 July 2022, 10:00 ·United States

The betrayal

Today, my newly ex-boyfriend, who is also my co-worker, threw me under the bus about our relationship, except he claimed it was a one-sided relationship. I offered to show the consensual texts between us, but he insisted it’s “Photoshopped.” I was fired anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113 You deserved it 183

3 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Naples, United States

Oh, by the way…

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 376 You deserved it 4 782

52 comments Share

Anonymous · 20 July 2022, 06:00

So close

Today, not only did my ex-wife take everything in our divorce, my most recent lottery ticket was off by only one number, I would have won millions and she wouldn’t have been entitled to a penny. Oh well, back to sleeping in my caravan, which is all I have left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948 You deserved it 163

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 20 July 2022, 02:00 ·United States

When you gotta go…

Today, my youngest son, for the third time, decided that the toilet is not where he wants to go to the bathroom. This wouldn't be an issue if he wasn't also squatting in the yard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877 You deserved it 218

6 comments Share

Eliz · 20 July 2022, 00:00

Permission denied

Today, I decided it was a good day to get my first tattoo since turning 18. Today, my parents decided it was a good day to make me homeless, because they are religious nutjobs that still live in the 19th century. Oh, and they’re no longer paying for my tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747 You deserved it 1 322

7 comments Share

Jill_Free_Woods · 19 July 2022, 22:00

Healthcare for all

Today, I was sitting down to do my homework when I severely sprained my ankle. I live on the third floor and can’t walk far without severe pain, and I'm broke, so a compression bandage is out of the question. I can’t wait until the first of the month when I get paid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935 You deserved it 155

2 comments Share

unwanted · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Priorities

Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 249 You deserved it 3 606

69 comments Share

Anonymous · 19 July 2022, 18:00 ·Australia

Take what you can get

Today, I was feeling sad and lonely. I got a message from my father-in-law asking how I was. I instantly felt great that someone was thinking of me and wanted to chat. It soon became clear that the account was hacked. The hacker said more to me than my own family on the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025 You deserved it 144

2 comments Share