Clumsy bitch · 19 June 2026, 09:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Date night

Today, I went on a date at a museum, I thought it would be low-pressure. It was going well until I leaned in to read a plaque, tripped, and nearly took down a rope barrier. My date caught me by the arm, asked if I was OK, then spent the next 10 minutes pretending not to notice I'd knocked over a gift shop display with my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 285

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dammitt · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Why would you do that?

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 067 You deserved it 61 203

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Anonymous · 19 June 2026, 03:00 ·Austin, United States

Clunker

Today, a customer came in complaining about a weird noise in her car. I took it for a quick test drive, heard nothing, then told her it was probably nothing serious. The second I pulled back into the lot, the hood popped open because I hadn’t latched it properly after checking the fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 You deserved it 402

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Mommy issue · 19 June 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Hush!

Today, I took my toddler to a library story hour. He sat quietly for almost ten minutes, which should have been my first warning. Right as the librarian began reading a dramatic part, my son pointed at her and shouted, “That lady is very old.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 312 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 18 June 2026, 22:00 ·Warren, United States

Help me out here

Today, I finally saw a physical therapist for frequent right hip pain that was interfering with my sleep schedule and causing that specific area of my leg to atrophy from not using it as much. After doing all of the stretches, the pain doesn't seem to have improved, despite him recognizing what the problem was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289 You deserved it 112

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Lili · 18 June 2026, 20:00 ·Galveston, United States

Shipping is extra

Today, a package marked "FRAGILE" arrived after weeks of waiting. The box looked perfect. Inside, the item was shattered. The only thing that survived the trip was the instruction manual explaining how carefully the product had been tested for durability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362 You deserved it 50

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Luke · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Melbourne, Australia

Break in

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out, then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 609 You deserved it 2 692

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Crazy kid · 18 June 2026, 15:00 ·Yuba City, United States

Just swallow it

Today, I was in class when I coughed up so much snot inside my mouth. It was so gross, I couldn’t talk. I raised my hand to go over to the sink to spit it out but I couldn’t talk and he didn’t understand, so I just got up and walked over. A few kids in the back saw me do it and said, "Ewwww." Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 You deserved it 111

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Anonymous · 18 June 2026, 12:00 ·Exeter, United Kingdom

Surprise!

Today, after my landlord announced a "surprise" apartment inspection, I spent the entire night cleaning every room, scrubbing the oven, and organizing closets. The inspector walked in, looked around for 20 seconds, checked for a smoke detector, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282 You deserved it 184

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Lance O · 18 June 2026, 09:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

It's rigged I tell ya!

Today, as the new school year starts, we had the traditional class council election, where I bravely nominated myself for class president. As our new teacher tallied the votes on the board, I corrected her with a minor detail: "Ma'am, its Lance A. not Lance O." She responded, "What Lance O? That's your score! Zero!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 295 You deserved it 163

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·United States

Romance is dead

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438 You deserved it 2 987

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Bored · 18 June 2026, 03:00 ·Seattle, United States

Get on with it

Today, I went to play a game with a friend. Turns out he's the sort of dude who, when he first installs a game, gets obsessive with making sure the settings are EXACTLY right. We got maybe five minutes of gameplay in between menu sliders, hardware tweaks, and unofficial drivers and patches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 18 June 2026, 00:00 ·Amarillo, United States

We need more information

Today, I found out some very disturbing information about one of my brothers, who I have not seen in 8 years. The information is so crazy that I've thought about going to the FBI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 324 You deserved it 106

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well fuck · 17 June 2026, 22:00 ·Warsaw, Poland

Daily grind

Today, I got home from working 14 hours straight, went to take a dump, and fell asleep on the toilet. I woke up later on the floor, covered in shit and piss, with my alarm going off, an hour before I was due back at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446 You deserved it 109

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No fair · 17 June 2026, 20:00 ·Secaucus, United States

In this economy?!

Today, I desperately want a kid with my wife, but unfortunately I'm stuck on the hook for child support. The kid was a mistake, a pregnancy from a relationship that lasted less than two months, and unless I can get my payments reduced there's no way my wife and I can afford a kid of our own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 You deserved it 684

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heartattack · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

GHOSTS!

Today, after I moved into my new 1930's house, my elderly rescue dog raised her hackles and stared at the wall behind my bed for two full minutes. I thought she might have recognized something from her old job. She's a retired cadaver dog. I guess I'm never sleeping, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 915 You deserved it 377

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Jenny · 17 June 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Culinary experience

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I looked at the menu and yelled, "Who puts caramel on onions? EW!" I then learned that "caramelized onion" is not caramel covered onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 You deserved it 749

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Anonymous · 17 June 2026, 12:00 ·United States

Me me me!

Today, my mom showed up to the surprise party my sister planned for me on crutches. Car accident? Bad fall? Dog attack? Nope! She's fine, just a malignant narcissist who needed all the attention to be on her. She managed to “fall” several times suspiciously when we were posing for photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416 You deserved it 66

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Do I really want kids? · 17 June 2026, 09:00 ·New York, United States

Kinda sus

Today, at the grocery store, the cops grabbed, cuffed, and hauled me to the station after the clerk called on me. I was with my 11 year-old niece, and she secretly tried to buy a pregnancy test. Despite saying it was for her aunt (my wife) who asked her to buy it for her without me knowing, they didn't believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409 You deserved it 74

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leela · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Bunch of dorks

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 986 You deserved it 4 903

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Anonymous · 17 June 2026, 03:00 ·Portugal

Crushed

Today, I have an office crush that I'm completely in love with. I tried to make some type of connection, but to him I'm dead, I'm just like some kind of office furniture, like a lamp or a printer, but even more useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170 You deserved it 322

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Anonymous · 17 June 2026, 00:00 ·United States

Beyond parody

Today, I had the supreme mega ultra final bosses of Karens. I knew I was cooked when they approached my brunch bar. I didn’t ID them because they were all very obviously 35+. They took immense offense to this and demanded to speak to my manager. They told on me for doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370 You deserved it 84

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 22:00 ·Saskatoon, Canada

Maybe I'll stay home

Today, while I was doing my hair and makeup, I somehow managed to spray myself in the right eye with hairspray, and in the left eye with makeup setting spray. I left the house with two very bloodshot eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 You deserved it 5

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Student becomes the Master

Today, I was telling my kids off for some misbehaviour when my wife chimed in that in all honestly, they were just behaving like I do most days. I had zero defence to that because it’s true. I've now got a wife and three kids who won’t stop mocking me FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 You deserved it 556

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 20:00 ·Myrtle Beach, United States

Who am I, really?

Today, I realized that as both of my sons have been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, they are just like me. I guess that I'm really good at masking or the perimenopausal rage has me questioning my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 96

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Al Staten · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Freudian slip?

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 718 You deserved it 2 659

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Will you…

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years got down on one knee with the most beautiful ring box I’d ever seen. My heart raced and my eyes immediately filled with tears in anticipation! When he finally opened it, a fucking spider was inside! I nearly shat myself in terror while he laughed hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543 You deserved it 73

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 12:00 ·Milwaukee, United States

The work wife

Today, I found out that my favorite female coworker was in a car accident. When I told my girlfriend, her only reaction was to roll her eyes and sarcastically say, "Oh no." She then immediately, and very enthusiastically, asked if the accident killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292 You deserved it 332

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Anonymous · 16 June 2026, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

You can't hide forever

Today, I needed a pee while my dad was painting the bathroom and of course he warned me to not touch the wet paint. I started to pee and for maybe the third time in my whole life I did a two stream piss; one into the bowl and one all over the wet paint. I’m writing this hiding in my treehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 You deserved it 313

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shart · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Calgary, Canada

Pit stop

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 849 You deserved it 2 369

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