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xxsakuraxx's favorite FMLs
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
by morphea / 04/29/2015 at 6:54pm / France (Bretagne) / Animals
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals
Today, my little sister filled the huge house I spent over a week building in Minecraft with TNT. She then demanded I give her all the money in my wallet, or she'd blow it all up. She's now $86.25 richer, and my parents think it's too hilarious to make her give me my money back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2015 at 11:23pm / United States / Money
by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML
by craZycatLady / 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals
by ihatekids / 04/20/2015 at 12:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML
by HM / 04/16/2015 at 9:10am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
by dickhead / 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML
by Insanity / 04/09/2015 at 1:28am / France (Centre) / Kids
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML
by King.Dick. / 04/02/2015 at 10:21am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous