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xX_LilSammie_Xx

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xX_LilSammie_Xx
  • Town/Country : Brampton, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 January 1990 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 1076
  • Number of comments : 140
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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xX_LilSammie_Xx's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

#20540243
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27314) - you deserved it (44607) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38955) - you deserved it (6911)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32466) - you deserved it (5456)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

#20116072
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19404) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/14/2012 at 3:00am - animals - by stop it ninja - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

#18829619
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38464) - you deserved it (9419)

On 01/16/2012 at 10:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease. FML

#18806135
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28952) - you deserved it (8718)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML

#18698902
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27730) - you deserved it (4465)

On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

#18626435
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35669) - you deserved it (6345)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by blegh (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

#18623921
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21815) - you deserved it (2551)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:15am - health - by themuffinman (man) - Japan

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40315) - you deserved it (4928)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24053) - you deserved it (7452)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

#18156228
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31884) - you deserved it (3751)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:05pm - work - by tech_support (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

#18150434
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31187) - you deserved it (8636)

On 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by KayleeXLoVe21 - United States (New York)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30023) - you deserved it (8710)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my twit of a husband admitted to falling for an internet scam involving a dead foreign politician, the promise of a share in millions of dollars currently stuck in a bank, and him having wired a large amount of our money to "bribe an official". FML

#17364485
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25346) - you deserved it (3283)

On 08/04/2011 at 5:15am - money - by Username - United States



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