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tonjuu

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tonjuu

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tonjuu's page activity

Visits<b>sirliam99</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 1:21pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 7:13pm

tonjuu's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

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tonjuu's favorite FMLs

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

#21397883
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35176) - you deserved it (2479)

On 04/22/2015 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30537) - you deserved it (4846)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29033) - you deserved it (4982)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

#21391357
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (3075)

On 04/10/2015 at 4:19pm - love - by undanya__four (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

#21389862
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22441) - you deserved it (16186)

On 04/08/2015 at 6:52am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML

#21389237
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33598) - you deserved it (2540)

On 04/07/2015 at 11:43am - misc - by f my lifw - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

#21383501
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22978) - you deserved it (12445)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML

#21382840
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44256) - you deserved it (2943)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:20am - intimacy - by soontobewidow (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30457) - you deserved it (4348)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27662) - you deserved it (2383)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26356) - you deserved it (2519)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

#21380050
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34493) - you deserved it (2497)

On 03/23/2015 at 10:24am - love - by twelvie - Australia (New South Wales)



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