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srhshl's favorite FMLs
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML
by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML
by too young for this / 04/12/2013 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous
by mortifiedgrandchild / 01/09/2012 at 1:53pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…