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Why am I up so early?
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sodapop83's favorite FMLs
Today, the creepy kid who sits behind me in English class decided that sniffing my hair wasn't disturbing enough for his liking, so he tried something new: popping one of the pimples on my neck. When I reacted in horror, all he could say was, "It looked pretty..." FML
by WTTFFFF / 05/09/2014 at 1:24pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, an old man wanted to give me a tip for bagging his groceries. He slipped some money as deep into my pocket as he could, stroking my thigh for a few long seconds in the process, then he gave me a creepy smile and winked before walking away. FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2014 at 3:00pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML
by BaggedDown / 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
by Numbass123 / 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude / 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by failureatlife / 04/27/2014 at 3:16pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML
by fuckingfloridahowihatethee / 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/26/2014 at 7:36am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by now have a cat / 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by tothebaneofkings / 04/23/2014 at 12:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Blaisey / 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML
by shorty / 04/21/2014 at 12:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by HeyTherexxx / 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of… Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room,…
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…