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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
minimammoth's favorite FMLs
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 8:36am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I completely shaved my head as a gesture for my boyfriend's mother, who was suffering from cancer and having a terrible time undergoing chemotherapy. Turns out she doesn't even have cancer, and my boyfriend thought I wouldn't have the guts to do it. FML
by horriblejoke / 10/10/2012 at 11:05am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by hahagirl / 09/12/2012 at 1:40am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML
by Ashley / 09/06/2012 at 8:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by masterman / 08/27/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML
by divorce? i think so / 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by MonCoiffeurAdoré / 06/27/2012 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
by viviham / 05/04/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work
by halfasleep / 03/27/2012 at 10:00am / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, at daycare, a mother congratulated me for having such a kind and well-behaved little girl.… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…