lordslaya53

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Offline (the 07/07/2015 at 3:12pm)

lordslaya53

2Fucked!

lordslaya53
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 6 June 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5067
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About lordslaya53 : Please ignore my username I made it when I was maybe 12 haha
Guitarist/ audio engineer/ producer based out of Calgary, AB, Canada
My band's name is Plaguebringer and you can check us out on Facebook and buy our debut EP on Bandcamp!

lordslaya53's page activity

Visits<b>Ava_Darkflame</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 11:28pm<b>queenxriley_</b> - the 07/07/2016 at 5:44am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 7:19am<b>Jiratias</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 1:14pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 9:17pm<b>jurgen15948501</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:09pm<b>erase_my_ears</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 9:04pm<b>ConFuzzld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 12:20am<b>taranoelr</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 5:48pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 9:04pm<b>sarahgoulding</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 11:43pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 3:38pm<b>amc597</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 5:23pm<b>EezyWay</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 11:38pm<b>Xx_dankdoge_xX</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 8:44am<b>kalibunk</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:51am<b>MrsJoHood</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 4:50am<b>tralulilulalala</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:56am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 3:17am<b>James64138</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:11pm

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lordslaya53's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2013 at 3:27am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Money

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

by methane overload / 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm / Iceland / Work

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

by shiney100893 / 01/14/2013 at 7:56am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

by GiraffeLover / 01/11/2013 at 6:36am / Australia / Love

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

by wetsheets / 01/07/2013 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

by Dkim620 / 01/06/2013 at 10:16pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm / Netherlands (Groningen) / Kids

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

by geewhy / 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy