By jennabee97 - 08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 837
You deserved it 4 201

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Holy mother of OP she's good.

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.


Holy mother of OP she's good.

I hand it to her she's great but she shouldn't have told you that congrats on your second child though

And we also know the real reason OP's dad spontaneously yelled out "oh God!" in church.

she's 19 and has 1 kid and is happy about another on the way??

#75 hands it to her

Who's 19? Wutchu talkin bout, Willis?

@90 #82 assumed that the op is 19 since their username ends in 97, although that would only make the op 17.

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

That's what I was thinking! OP tell your mom great job

The husband probably had an article of clothing on his lap under which the wife snuck her hand and did the deed. Impressive.

God noticed.

perhaps Everyone thought he was shouting "oh god" cause he was feeling the sermon.

Everyone else's eyes were closed during prayer time?

I jacked off on a bus without anyone noticing ~ beat that OP's mother. And #48, that would have to be a quickie then.

#77 I feel like it would be a lot easier to do it to yourself than it would be to do it to someone else...

I am very curious as to how she managed to pull that off.. 0.0

Well played pun. I salute you.

I hope she didn't literally pull it off. :-)

Well, you gotta 'hand' it her.

Well congratulations on expecting!

Wow your mother is a piece of work. Congratulations on the news about your second child.

pop open the brain bleach!

Um, I ran out. Where do you get yours?

We need time machines. That way, you could have shot back "The real achievement is that I got knocked up in church. It's an immaculate conception! If you want me to aim any higher than that, you're screwed."

wife of the year