FML : Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church...

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Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By jennabee97 - / Saturday 8 November 2014 23:02 / Canada - Ottawa

Kids

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Top comments

By iLike2Teabag | 27

#6114133 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6114135 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

Comments

By iLike2Teabag | 27

#6114133 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:08

Holy mother of OP she's good.

Classy_Sassy_15 | 15

#6114569 - Sunday 9 November 2014 20:04

I hand it to her she's great but she shouldn't have told you that congrats on your second child though

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6114603 - Sunday 9 November 2014 20:42

And we also know the real reason OP's dad spontaneously yelled out "oh God!" in church.

jalmanza2580 | 11

#6114678 - Sunday 9 November 2014 23:23

she's 19 and has 1 kid and is happy about another on the way??

llalala_fml | 19

#6114928 - Monday 10 November 2014 3:55

#75 hands it to her

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6114955 - Monday 10 November 2014 4:33

Who's 19? Wutchu talkin bout, Willis?

atav | 16

#6115097 - Monday 10 November 2014 8:35

@90 #82 assumed that the op is 19 since their username ends in 97, although that would only make the op 17.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6115196 - Monday 10 November 2014 13:46

Holy Jizz...

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6114135 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:10

She's good. How the hell do you do that in church with nobody noticing.

FrutLoopDingus | 19

#6114180 - Sunday 9 November 2014 10:16

That's what I was thinking! OP tell your mom great job

Mekeritrig | 15

#6114184 - Sunday 9 November 2014 10:23

The husband probably had an article of clothing on his lap under which the wife snuck her hand and did the deed. Impressive.

may14th | 26

#6114229 - Sunday 9 November 2014 12:44

God noticed.

tony1891 | 22

#6114299 - Sunday 9 November 2014 14:28

perhaps Everyone thought he was shouting "oh god" cause he was feeling the sermon.

Enslaved | 36

#6114331 - Sunday 9 November 2014 15:29

Everyone else's eyes were closed during prayer time?

AddictGamer | 16

#6114594 - Sunday 9 November 2014 20:29

I jacked off on a bus without anyone noticing ~ beat that OP's mother. And #48, that would have to be a quickie then.

BSnapZ | 21

#6115084 - Monday 10 November 2014 7:59

#77 I feel like it would be a lot easier to do it to yourself than it would be to do it to someone else...

By DenBriZel | 31

#6114136 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:11

I am very curious as to how she managed to pull that off.. 0.0

cakefete2 | 30

#6114293 - Sunday 9 November 2014 14:20

Well played pun. I salute you.

sarkaar | 29

#6114408 - Sunday 9 November 2014 17:38

I hope she didn't literally pull it off. :-)

pugpuggy | 21

#6127358 - Monday 24 November 2014 23:56

Well, you gotta 'hand' it her.

By flurpiee | 14

#6114139 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:12

Well congratulations on expecting!

By Witchylady | 17

#6114141 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:13

Wow your mother is a piece of work. Congratulations on the news about your second child.

By MRP360 | 14

#6114142 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:13

pop open the brain bleach!

Sandman366 | 6

#6114830 - Monday 10 November 2014 1:45

Um, I ran out. Where do you get yours?

By sicksadworld1317 | 30

#6114143 - Sunday 9 November 2014 9:14

We need time machines. That way, you could have shot back "The real achievement is that I got knocked up in church. It's an immaculate conception! If you want me to aim any higher than that, you're screwed."