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knoll4007's FML badges
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knoll4007's favorite FMLs
Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML
by Mr. Sensitive Nips / 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. Within seconds of getting my drink, I spilled it all over the table and my scarf. When the waiter was helping clean up the spill, he knocked over my boyfriend's drink. All over my pants. FML
by Tori / 02/16/2011 at 2:40am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2011 at 12:15pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
by alone / 02/14/2011 at 12:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Roxas / 02/14/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
by Gabriel A / 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 12:59pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by triplenipple / 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Health
by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health
Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML
by fail / 12/21/2010 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 5:26pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
by fouryearswasted / 12/19/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Love
by asdfghjkl / 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
- Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today, is a month into my new job. Three employees have already been fired, my boss has interviewed… Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the…