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karapfeifer's favorite FMLs
by preggo / 07/31/2011 at 9:16pm / United States (Nebraska) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 3:24am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by jgdgjyfg / 07/25/2011 at 3:21am / United Kingdom (Rotherham) / Health
by Cinnamon / 07/17/2011 at 8:04pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy
Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML
by BelleCharmante / 07/14/2011 at 12:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 06/23/2011 at 10:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 06/20/2011 at 11:57am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ouchmyeye / 06/10/2011 at 12:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML
by Anon / 05/18/2011 at 7:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, a kid with severe Down's came into my workplace, as he does every day. He's has an obsession with me, sitting at a table, staring and taking photos of me all day. His parents have no problem with this, because they think it's a miracle that he can focus so much attention on me for so long. FML
by notimpressed / 04/26/2011 at 3:25pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2011 at 12:10am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
by Username / 04/16/2011 at 4:39am / United States / Love
Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML
by heathersmorin / 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, after being lost for 3 hours outside with low battery, and finally regaining signal, an old… Today, I work as a Cashier at McDonald's and a customer wanted a meal costing way over £5. He then… Today, I had 45 minutes spare between appointments to do some work at the office. I needed to print…