jkw11d

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jkw11d

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 11 September 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 953
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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jkw11d's page activity

Visits<b>frankiero</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 9:12am<b>marykaitlyn</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 11:42pm<b>QU33NOFAWKWARD</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 10:04pm<b>Tessa_11</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 5:56pm<b>TheRandomIndian</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 6:31am<b>flatout4</b> - the 08/07/2013 at 3:10pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 08/06/2013 at 4:43am<b>raisingbears</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 12:22am<b>Skittles_Wiki</b> - the 07/31/2013 at 9:49am<b>LivexForever21</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 9:00pm<b>itsnicole96</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 8:54pm<b>CallMeWindSock</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 7:26pm<b>roro_superloser</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 6:18pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 6:09pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 5:43pm<b>Verifications</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 5:04pm<b>dinosxxrawr</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 2:59am<b>jonsmith01973</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 7:29pm

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jkw11d's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

by sammieshortcake / 09/14/2013 at 11:30am / United States / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 11:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

by kilamo80 / 07/27/2013 at 5:26am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was going to fight the guy who my girlfriend left me for. While waiting at the park, he sent me a video of the two of them having sex on my bed. FML

by SimG / 07/07/2013 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

by Z / 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm / Australia / Love

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

by Mouse / 10/17/2012 at 7:15pm / Kids