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jessherself13

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jessherself13

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4380
  • Number of comments : 130
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About jessherself13 : I'm studying to be a paramedic and eventually a firefighter. My favorite singer is Amanda Palmer and I like spicy foods.

jessherself13's page activity

Visits<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 4:47pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 4:05am<b>black_sher</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 8:21am<b>niksatter96</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 11:06pm<b>bananassin</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 8:15pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 6:58am<b>tfracchia</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 1:06pm<b>velocityraptor</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 4:25pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 4:54pm<b>NeuroticToast</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 10:00pm<b>GunSlinger69</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 1:12am<b>chrisstachon</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 5:32pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 2:55pm<b>Amy_Nguyen_12</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:30pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 12/26/2014 at 10:43am<b>Rhett_15</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 4:35pm<b>BritSkits</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 11:38pm<b>homesuckfucker</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 9:16pm

Liked!<b>bananassin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 1:15am

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jessherself13's favorite FMLs

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82390) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

#20597317
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34141) - you deserved it (3556)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

#20593773
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69088) - you deserved it (6158)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by wow (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

#20591068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (3922)

On 04/14/2013 at 6:20pm - health - by danman (man) - United States

Today, I uploaded a cute photo of my boyfriend and me on Facebook. Ten minutes later, his friend commented: "Dude! You're supposed to capture the Snorlax, not date it!" FML

#20587403
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (13782)

On 04/13/2013 at 12:25am - love - by Snorlax (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

#20587303
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44704) - you deserved it (19006) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/12/2013 at 8:14pm - kids - by xx-look-at-xx - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60001) - you deserved it (10773)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML

#20585943
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62081) - you deserved it (5437)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44688) - you deserved it (8403)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47490) - you deserved it (4891)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30742) - you deserved it (3027)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML

#20573162
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35655) - you deserved it (10255)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by SoClose (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32796) - you deserved it (14134)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States



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