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hansam's favorite FMLs
by moms a baby / 03/30/2014 at 10:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by can't sleep / 03/18/2014 at 4:36am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML
by Delanto / 02/06/2014 at 11:54am / United States / Miscellaneous
by australian6196 / 02/04/2014 at 9:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy
by Pooper scooper / 01/28/2014 at 3:22am / Guam / Animals
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML
by Zach Got Robbed / 01/08/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2014 at 8:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Lonesome / 01/01/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/21/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by :( / 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date,… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…