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dvojplisen

Offline (the 03/07/2015 at 1:24am) | Search for a member

dvojplisen

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 31 October 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 987
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dvojplisen's page activity

Visits<b>katydid91</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 12:58pm<b>harryisangry</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:51am<b>niamhlorren</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 10:52am<b>False_Stupidity</b> - the 11/13/2013 at 8:51am

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dvojplisen's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50652) - you deserved it (21370)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

#2896238
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50318) - you deserved it (3596)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

#2275729
741 comments

I agree, your life sucks (289673) - you deserved it (156232)

On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62387) - you deserved it (5828)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102919) - you deserved it (23712)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (130119) - you deserved it (7150)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

#1183815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37199) - you deserved it (95546)

On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71484) - you deserved it (18479)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

#650429
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147118) - you deserved it (27289)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101247) - you deserved it (31157)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227
529 comments

I agree, your life sucks (249785) - you deserved it (32394)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

#438513
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73988) - you deserved it (28996)

On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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