desperatefk

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Desperatefk's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 828

You deserved it 13 183

By gimmeafknbreak - 17/01/2014 23:59 - United States - Alamogordo

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 782

You deserved it 8 847

gimmeafknbreak tells us more.

gimmeafknbreak 4

Saturday 18 January 2014 20:38

It was actually quite humorous. Even my father laughed...though some others didn't find my boyfriend's statement quite so funny. And for those that were asking, yes...he pulled through. in fact about twenty minutes after the "incident". haha. Those family dinners get SO boring.

By anon - 13/01/2014 01:53 - United States - Bullhead City

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 484

You deserved it 36 773

By fuckadaisical - 06/12/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 417

You deserved it 8 895

Braggadocio

By snowwhite - 28/10/2013 04:51 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of, "how hard he gave it to me last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 631

You deserved it 10 124