Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cyanidesandwich

Offline (yesterday at 8:00pm) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4387
  • Number of comments : 236
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>sydniew2001</b> - yesterday at 9:10am<b>Hunter_the_Ninja</b> - the 07/23/2015 at 3:08pm<b>oakcrush</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 12:50pm<b>Aubreychendi_</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 10:11pm<b>MrsJoHood</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 4:52am<b>Iarla_ceapaire93</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 9:26am<b>munuxi</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 1:05am<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 12:21pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:55am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 9:34pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:38pm<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 5:55pm<b>cmonger</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 6:45pm<b>Dynosaur_dollie</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 9:20am<b>arano</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 7:31pm<b>mibs3</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:37pm<b>Driving_Gaming</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 6:09am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 3:34am<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cyanidesandwich's badges

cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML

Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML

#19961966
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35764) - you deserved it (3127)

On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

#19958598
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (1742)

On 07/19/2012 at 11:30am - misc - by ThatGirl (woman) - United States

Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML

#19905936
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26718) - you deserved it (3510)

On 07/07/2012 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

#19455929
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15437) - you deserved it (35808)

On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23909) - you deserved it (2886)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

#18519378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24911) - you deserved it (5599)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12114) - you deserved it (91608)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

#18378519
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26627) - you deserved it (5321)

On 11/28/2011 at 7:44pm - misc - by moopymoplady - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35691) - you deserved it (9670)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

#17884262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32462) - you deserved it (3117)

On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33958) - you deserved it (2978)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
431 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56647) - you deserved it (5591)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36504) - you deserved it (23457)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

#17645605
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25376) - you deserved it (4844)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm - misc - by d0rk_ - Canada (Quebec)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: