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Offline (the 04/19/2015 at 6:21pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 745
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About asparagus12 : I sing the "Fresh Prince" theme song in my head throughout the day. There are just so many situations that remind me of the show. During elementary school we watched "Fat Albert" during PE on rainy days. I once did a parody of the song "They Call Me Mellow Yellow" for IPC class during a presentation about lithium. I called the song "They Call Me Manic Depressive." I enjoy watching Doctor Who. Wibley Wobley Timey Wimey Spacey Wacey. Bow ties ARE cool. I have a black friend who loves portraying stereotypes to make me laugh. Sometimes he drops the "N" bomb which makes me very uncomfortable. He gets a good laugh out of that then calls me a "Nagger." We both enjoy SouthPark. I like dogs. I do not like cats. Rabbits are cool though. I secretly enjoy Miley Cyrus. I use this site for a good laugh or to read judgmental comments. Whichever.

asparagus12's page activity

Visits<b>Nonameforu</b> - the 07/08/2016 at 7:47pm<b>hairyu</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 2:06am<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 12:31am<b>tweak2011</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 9:08pm<b>spinster5</b> - the 02/11/2016 at 2:25am<b>Brunofk7</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 3:24am<b>LPac5295</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 4:28pm<b>jacksonpm23</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 3:59am<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 4:07am<b>dirtbikeguy</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 12:31am<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 1:47pm<b>RENOFETT</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 8:45am<b>somecanadianguy</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 2:35pm<b>str1kepa1n</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 10:01pm<b>cokeman666</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 6:35am<b>funneh1</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 9:08pm<b>kunal222</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:44pm<b>dubb420</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:37am

asparagus12's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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asparagus12's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

by N O / 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

by hipster glasses / 08/16/2013 at 7:08am / United States / Work

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

by WoWWidow / 09/02/2011 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

by Jessie / 12/25/2010 at 8:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

by kfoehslfns / 08/01/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love