About asparagus12 : I sing the "Fresh Prince" theme song in my head throughout the day. There are just so many situations that remind me of the show. During elementary school we watched "Fat Albert" during PE on rainy days. I once did a parody of the song "They Call Me Mellow Yellow" for IPC class during a presentation about lithium. I called the song "They Call Me Manic Depressive." I enjoy watching Doctor Who. Wibley Wobley Timey Wimey Spacey Wacey. Bow ties ARE cool. I have a black friend who loves portraying stereotypes to make me laugh. Sometimes he drops the "N" bomb which makes me very uncomfortable. He gets a good laugh out of that then calls me a "Nagger." We both enjoy SouthPark. I like dogs. I do not like cats. Rabbits are cool though. I secretly enjoy Miley Cyrus. I use this site for a good laugh or to read judgmental comments. Whichever.
asparagus12's FML badges
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
asparagus12's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
by N O / 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML
by hipster glasses / 08/16/2013 at 7:08am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML
by WoWWidow / 09/02/2011 at 4:02am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML
by Jessie / 12/25/2010 at 8:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML
by kfoehslfns / 08/01/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/02/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
- « Previous page
- Next page »