alliekins

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alliekins

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Saturday 4 March 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 97
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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alliekins's FML badges

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alliekins's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butt hole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML

by 11niko / 02/01/2012 at 11:57pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see binoculars, tissues and vaseline. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 3:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

by The Joker? / 07/31/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

by ewww / 03/25/2011 at 1:31pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2011 at 12:35pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2011 at 3:09am / France / Animals

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

by Azure_Mist / 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

by H8TR / 08/26/2010 at 9:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found a pile of animal skeletons scattered in my backyard. It appears that last night, mother nature decided to rain so hard, that the graves of my childhood pets floated back up to the top, and covered half of my field. I now have to pick all of it up before my dog sees them. FML

by L.Lime05 / 08/08/2010 at 7:27pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

by asshole / 10/02/2009 at 1:34am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML

by PTKFML / 07/26/2009 at 12:37am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of two years, who is a fabulous guitarist and singer, told me he wrote me a song. I was so excited. Turns out it was a break up song. FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2009 at 5:47pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 6:57am / Denmark (Roskilde) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

by Noname / 02/04/2009 at 6:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals