About ZomboticKitteh : Creepin on my page? I'll return the favor.
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ZomboticKitteh's favorite FMLs
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
by onlywantuanyway / 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm / Intimacy
Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML
by anikah / 06/01/2014 at 5:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2014 at 12:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by damn dog / 07/05/2013 at 1:43am / United States / Animals
Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML
by wtfisgoingon / 04/28/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML
by karmamaybe / 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (South Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by starboy / 03/10/2012 at 1:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML
by can't breathe / 11/22/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
by RyanM / 03/10/2010 at 10:00am / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
by OhaiiKid / 03/07/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Georgia) / Geek
Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love