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Jiplo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML
by LearnToLive / 05/15/2012 at 11:59am / Holidays
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
by brannonjames / 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm / United States / Love
by Amy / 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML
by I Don't Exorcise / 05/09/2012 at 11:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
by catherineratley / 05/06/2012 at 12:09am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, my husband and I went on vacation. We got lost and had to ask the locals for directions to our hotel. Neither of us could understand their accents, and we ended up wandering around blindly for hours until we made it back on our own. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 5:16pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Holidays
by Eragons_Mommy92 / 05/04/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Money
by Optimus_Prime97 / 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm / United States / Money
Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML
by panther of the desert / 05/02/2012 at 5:58pm / Puerto Rico / Work
Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML
by EyeSeeYou / 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by tillyg15 / 05/02/2012 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Work
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
by Flip / 05/02/2012 at 1:06am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
by Nice / 05/01/2012 at 9:58am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever… Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "send"… Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with…