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HOTPEANUT's favorite FMLs
by loserman / 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was out on a family walk, when I overheard two women talking to each other. One of them was wondering how a kid with such good looking parents and grandparents could be so ugly. That kid is my daughter. FML
by Kittykat900 / 05/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United Kingdom (York) / Kids
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
by quirrus / 05/07/2012 at 5:42am / United States / Intimacy
by edulover / 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML
by Anonymous / 11/29/2010 at 10:16am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML
Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML
by Manstobe92 / 11/16/2009 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML
by drugged_on_arrival / 09/10/2009 at 6:55am / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML
by captainfail / 07/14/2009 at 11:27am / Germany (Bremen) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML
by twintowers / 07/04/2009 at 4:30pm / United States / Intimacy
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