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Effulgence's favorite FMLs
by wow / 11/02/2014 at 10:23am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by RaccoonFever / 01/10/2014 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
by no she wasn't high / 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by catfan / 10/30/2013 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
by -_- / 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 5:37pm / United States (California) / Love
by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love
by Hurrikhan / 03/23/2013 at 7:43am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Animals
Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML
by ak_6694 / 09/22/2012 at 3:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…