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CaptMurdock

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CaptMurdock
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 July 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 928
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About CaptMurdock : Hi there.

CaptMurdock's last visitors

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CaptMurdock's FML badges

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CaptMurdock's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

#20823686
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53505) - you deserved it (12884)

On 08/06/2013 at 11:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

#20811304
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38434) - you deserved it (22436)

On 07/30/2013 at 10:13am - misc - by kayak probs - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39643) - you deserved it (4705)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

#20770545
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27251) - you deserved it (61216)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm - love - by Erica (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

#20769088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48957) - you deserved it (8615)

On 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm - kids - by nosestealer (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44760) - you deserved it (4764)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (5504)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45993) - you deserved it (5722)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22732) - you deserved it (29202)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

#20724193
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39718) - you deserved it (5475)

On 06/13/2013 at 7:59pm - misc - by Dingbat - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

#20723415
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45480) - you deserved it (2981)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

#20719423
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45102) - you deserved it (5923)

On 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

#20705510
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44931) - you deserved it (4077)

On 06/04/2013 at 1:53pm - love - by BloodyMarry (woman) - United States

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" FML

#20701776
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41446) - you deserved it (6804)

On 06/02/2013 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Thurrock)



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