About BulldogHoops : I need to whip my profile into shape because frankly, it blows.
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BulldogHoops's favorite FMLs
by Acidic Donut / 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML
by thefuck / 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm / Ireland (Cavan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love
by Dingbat / 06/13/2013 at 7:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML
by fuck kids / 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
by poisonivyretard / 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
by paulinapo / 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML
by Dalistair / 05/23/2013 at 7:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
by pianoplayer / 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by soreloser / 05/20/2013 at 2:32am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I drove my girlfriend to take her on the first date out of the house we've had since she got… Today I came out to my family as a lesbian. A few days ago, my brother came out as bisexual and my… Today, I went to the bank to cash my check. As I'm waiting for the teller I decide to go ahead and…