Nearly FMLs

By Emmy - 07/07/2018 21:37 - United States - Spiceland

Today, my 8th grade social studies teacher pointed his finger out in front of me, and I went to jokingly bite it (I don’t know why), but when he didn’t move I panicked and instead just put his finger in my mouth, we were equally mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 88

By Anonymous - 08/07/2018 03:13

Today, my husband informed me that his parents will be coming to visit next weekend. The day after we move into our first house. I've been taking care of all of it, during lunch breaks and after 10-hour workdays, while maintaining our current place. He doesn't understand why I might be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 9

By mato - 08/07/2018 01:23

Today, I was trying to improve my relationship with my mother, so I asked how her day was. She responded with “Do you really care?” and then stomped off in her heels so hard I think I suffered hearing loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 8

By Foxiestmulder - 08/07/2018 01:06

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been sexting other women when a very explicit message popped up when he was showing me a video. He's done this before and this was the last time. It'll be $3k to break my lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 12

By Underpressure - 08/07/2018 07:59 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I went in for a simple eye exam as I've been having bad headaches. Four hours later and I was in the ER getting spinal fluid drained to relieve pressure in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 07/07/2018 21:15

Today, I found out the guy I’m going on a date with next week was just diagnosed with a brain lesion. Our last date 4 years ago ended with him getting into a major car accident on the way home and shattering his pelvis and legs and we hadn’t seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 5

By Nnaka Mckenzie - 07/07/2018 13:46 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I got my room back after a week of bunking with family, then proceeded to lock myself out. After several attempts to pick the lock, I finally did with an old bus card. Then, after successfully proclaiming my triumph, I proceeded to lock myself out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 76

By Fate - 07/07/2018 20:36

Today, after three years, I found out that my boyfriend told his sister in law that he didn't see a future with me. I had to hear it from her. Now his family hates me for breaking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By dickdude69 - 07/07/2018 07:22

Today, went to go take my medication for bipolar disorder, I accidentally took my brothers laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 53

By BrokenNHurt - 07/07/2018 01:34

Today, I found out that my ex boyfriend is celebrating his 1 year anniversary with the woman he told me not to worry about. He broke up with me 7 months ago after 3 years of dating because he "Didn't feel the same way for me" anymore. I know why now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 6

By TheIrony... - 07/07/2018 01:28

Today, after staying out two nights this week, my dad said it was good that I was finally staying home and spending time with family tonight instead of going out. He's the same one who berates me when I stay home all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

By Purple Toe - 06/07/2018 17:05 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to take a walk on the beach and I thought it would be a cute idea to jump in front of him and take a selfie. Well, he wasn’t paying attention and when I jumped in front of him, he crashed into me and now he has a broken toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 67

By Dribble, not shoot - 06/07/2018 20:47

Today, I had a wet dream while camping with my friends. Rather than coming in the tent with my friends, I put my shoes on and rushed outside to let it dribble out. In the morning, I saw visible cum stains on my black flip flops (the only shoes I brought). My friends know what the stains are. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 66

By Bored Intern - 06/07/2018 17:47

Today, like every other work day for the past 4 weeks, I am sitting at my desk staring at a blank screen. No one has given me a project to work on, even though they said they would. And, I was just told that this happens to every intern, every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 06/07/2018 17:40

Today my boyfriend invited my ex to stay with us for a week. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 14

By mjrgmz32 - 06/07/2018 11:31

Today, I found out my wife was cheating on me... again. When I confronted her about it, she got upset and put hands on me which ended up in her arrest. Thankfully, we just signed a 30 year mortgage on a house. Only 29 years and 11 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 27

By cccc - 05/07/2018 23:02 - United States - Sudbury

Today, my boyfriend of 8 years (and we have a 7 year old child) told me that he wants to take a break so he can have some space and figure his self out, that we would still live together and be in the same bed every night but he can go do as he pleases but it is none of my business to ask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 14

By "crazy_penis" - 06/07/2018 04:45

Today, my fiance's dad nicknamed me "Crazy Penis" because I'm Native American and I have 3 sons from my first marriage. My fiance is also his caregiver since he's old, so he's going to be living in my house, calling me Crazy Penis every day. This is going to be fun. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 10

By "overworkednunderpaid" - 06/07/2018 01:48

Today, after waiting an hour and a half to see the doctor for a scheduled check-up, I had to leave without being seen to make an appointment with a potential client. She didn't show. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 06/07/2018 01:34

Today, my customer told me I should go home with him so he can skin my tattoo off me just like people used to do with pirates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Hard mushroom - 05/07/2018 17:44 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went to the beach with my friends (were all guys). When we got there, my friends told me it was a nude beach. We all stripped and they couldn’t stop laughing at my penis (I’m circumcised, they aren’t). They talked about it and looked at it so much, I got a boner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 11

By notracist - 05/07/2018 20:43

Today, I woke up to my parents kicking me out of the house. Apparently I said some racist stuff in my sleep, including the ‘N-word’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 15

By Slippery - 05/07/2018 12:59 - United States - Schaller

Today, me and my boyfriend thought we would try shower sex. We were really getting into it when he slipped trying to pick me up and fractured his tailbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 13

By Ell - 05/07/2018 16:52

Today, with one payment left on my dogs extensive vet bills, he tore his ACL and we're now gearing up for another surgery and long recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 5

By Akear - 05/07/2018 05:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my car floated away in over 6 feet of water. 15 years I've lived in my cul-de-sac and no matter how much it rained we've never had even an inch of standing water in the street. I bought my car less than two months ago because my previous car got totaled. Yay for 6 inches of rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 05/07/2018 05:26

Today, I thought I was FINALLY done with my period. I've had it for almost a month and have tried a few different BC pills to get it to stop. It went away... for 12 hours. Now it's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 6

At least the baby was healthy

By Traumatized - 04/07/2018 08:39 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, after 30 hours of labor, I had a c-section, but none of the painkillers worked on me. The doctors didn't knock me out because they didn't believe me when I was screaming in pain. I felt the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 3

By Holly - 04/07/2018 08:36

Today, I returned home from vacation to find that my cat has fleas, and has the entire house infested. My mother changed her bedding, along with my sister's and my brother's, who hasn't been home in 3 months. She never changed mine, so now I'm sleeping in a hot bed of fleas... FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 16

By Are you kidding me? - 04/07/2018 00:53

Today, I locked myself out of my dorm room. Since the RA office was closed, I tried calling the numbers posted outside the office to see if I could reach one of them. Of the ten RAs whose numbers were posted, not one of them picked up their fucking phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 12

By Kyrenora - 03/07/2018 23:32

Today, I was diagnosed with a condition that makes me incredibly sensitive to heat. When I got back to my car, my AC would only blow hot air. It’s 102 degrees outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 2

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 37

Today, after seven people at work approaching me and asking me if I was 'that lad from the paper', I picked one up to see what they were talking about. Turns out my doppelganger is a man who brutally murdered his older brother last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 2 253

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint birthday party with her dog, because it would be the dog's "Big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 2 707

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 69 259

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 208

You deserved it 7 787

Today, I forgot to take my phone out of my bathing suit pocket before I went into the pool. It's not a high-end phone, so that's not why FML. The FML part is because I was on vacation, didn't have internet access, and the phone has no external memory card, so all the pictures I took while on vacation are lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 530