Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 03:22 - United States - La Crosse

Today I was in an elevator with a hot guy. We flirted it up and ended up with a hot make out session. The door opened and guess who was standing there? My boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Macdons man - 21/02/2016 03:05 - United States - Slinger

Today I got written up at work. The reason? Because my coworker who is a football player accidentally tackled me too hard and I went flying. I got written up for laying down on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 02:57 - United States - Swartz Creek

Today, I walked up to my crush in my school, about to ask her out. As I walk up to her getting ready to ask her out I said hey to her she said hey back and walked right past me and hugged my best friend FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ILikeFireALot - 21/02/2016 02:48 - United States - Wichita

Today,my cousin and I accidentally made out at a party because we were both drunk.He is now telling everyone we are an item.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sirfancycheeks - 21/02/2016 02:47 - United States - Roanoke

Today, after punching out a window, threats to our neighbors, and a visit by the police, my mom still doesn't believe she has a drinking problem. I don't know what's worse, the embarrassment, or the fact that not even the police could convince her to get help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By outofluck - 21/02/2016 02:47 - United States - West Springfield

Today, my fiancée heard very heated sex in the hotel room next door for two hours, she was traumatized and is now afraid of sex and says she wants to be a virgin forever, FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Littlechaicat - 21/02/2016 02:41 - United States - Independence

Today I went outside to BBQ for my kids and found this huge rock on my porch. My blue Doberman wanted me to play fetch with it. I did play with him and hours later found out the "rock" was actually rock-hard dried dog poop...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By ILikeFireALot - 21/02/2016 02:40 - United States - Dodge City

Today, I found out my boyfriend of five years slept with my best friend.After sending her a text saying that I knew and I would never forgive her,I realized I accidentally forwarded the text to all my contacts.I then got about 50 responses telling me they were sorry.My brother and dad included.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anngrace2005 - 21/02/2016 02:30 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I had a co-worker flip out on me because my car was parked in the way and she could not use the ramp on our work van. I felt horrible but when I went outside I realized all she had to do was back the van up a few feet, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bok_Choi - 21/02/2016 02:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 5 year old son started to try and eat me after he realised that my wife and brothers called me Bok Choi. It would have been cute, but if not for him waking me up at 3 in the morning shouting "LET ME EAT YOU!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By no peripheral vision - 21/02/2016 02:19

Today, at 6am, I misjudged a walkway and fell into a fountain outside my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 02:11 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was jerking off when i saw my sisters friend coming in to go to the bathroom. she looked down and started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By pregnantandsick - 21/02/2016 02:09 - United States - North Easton

Today, my idiot of a sister gave me a cold. I'm 9 months pregnant getting induced tomorrow. No cold medicine for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chris - 21/02/2016 01:59 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband of 19 years who I have 3 kids with came out to our family as wanting to be a woman I would respect that if he wasn't just doing it because he wants to be famous like Caitlin Jenner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thunder_35 - 21/02/2016 01:50 - United States - Jersey City

Today, My Grandmother said she'll disown me if I date a black girl, I'm dating a black girl. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheWhitie - 21/02/2016 01:40 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I was almost expelled after I wore a traditional african costume to class for our cultural week, as many black kids felt i was making fun of "their" culture. It seems the fact I was adopted and raised by an African immigrant family does not entitle me to consider it my culture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Promadona - 21/02/2016 01:39 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I finally discovered why my girlfriend has been mad at me for the past month. It's because I haven't "officially" asked her to prom. I just assumed that after dating since our freshmen year of high school we would be going together and she knew that. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 01:30 - New Zealand

Today, I decided to would be a good idea to make my own diy hairspray like i saw on a youtube video. Instead of the salt I used sugar. Guess who has ants all over their dressing table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Im_Always_Hungry - 21/02/2016 01:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, my now ex girlfriend dumped me, and a few hours later, I saw her kissing my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Frustrated - 21/02/2016 01:15 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I showed my husband a Facebook picture of a woman in a bikini on a beach. He asked, "is it sad I'm more interested in the beach?" We haven't had sex in months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By av3342 - 21/02/2016 01:09 - United States

Today, our boss told us we need to increase our work efficiency. This is the same boss who let's our area get over manned and we run out of work. Then we have nothing to do for the rest of the day (except go home without pay.) This concept eludes him and our effeciency is a big part of our job security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By uhoh - 21/02/2016 01:06 - United States - Westminster

Today, my mom was supposed to leave on a business trip. She came back early because she forgot her contacts, only to find my brother balls-deep in me on our parents' bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By brb vomiting - 21/02/2016 01:01 - United States

Today, I was eating an onion bagel and came across a particularly hard piece of onion. This wouldn't have been a problem if the onion wasn't a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By iSamsung - 21/02/2016 00:57 - United States - Niles

Today, word spread about me being gay (which is true, and I have a boyfriend), and now everyone is avoiding me. I told my so-called supportive mother about this. Her reply? "Sweetie, if you're homosexual, you deserve it". Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By loserlesbian - 21/02/2016 00:55 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I woke up in the arms of a very beautiful woman in her bed. Unfortunately, this was our first full day as housemates after moving my stuff in, we aren't in a relationship and we've known each other less than a week, and there's no contract so if it gets weird she can ask me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 21/02/2016 00:51 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I realized I hate the sound of chewing so much, that I piss myself off to no end every time I eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Don't Throw Rocks! - 21/02/2016 00:48 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I decided to go to the park, and told some kids to stop throwing rocks because someone was going to get hit, and now I'm have a bump on my head because I got hit in the head with a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By helpmeplz - 21/02/2016 00:31 - United States - Marietta

Today, I babysat a kid who kept grabbing his crotch and masturbating while I was playing Xbox with him. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CoolCookie210 - 21/02/2016 00:28 - United States - Stamford

Today, during a big conference for work, I accidentally left my microphone on after excusing myself to the bathroom. The entire conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 388

By Whackedgourd - 21/02/2016 00:19 - Canada - Lindsay

Today, I was suspended for a week after I asked to take one sick day. I've been sick for the last week, and finally decided my health was more important. Thanks 'caring' and 'compassionate' bosses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm two days deep into a semester at a trade school, pulling doubles. I was supposed to only work 4 days a week, which would've been totally manageable. But, because the weather was total crap the first week, now I'm stuck working 80-hour weeks for the next month including those Fridays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 122

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 194

You deserved it 7 807

Today, my cat is shedding her winter fur, so wherever she goes she leaves a cloud of fluff behind. She is also in heat for the first time, so I have to keep her inside – just to make sure that my nice, clean house doesn’t miss out on even a single one of her precious hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 759

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 766

You deserved it 3 298

Today, I was playing baseball. My full name is Nadeene, my nickname is Dee, but people have started calling me Nads. Someone yelled out "Go Nads" as I went up to bat. Guess what my new nickname is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 467

You deserved it 323

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 041

You deserved it 249