Nearly FMLs

By trulyfat - 11/12/2018 02:09

Today, after an entire year of eating a strict diet of vegetables and water and vigorously exercising five times a week, I lost one pound. As it’s my birthday, I decided to treat myself to a single chocolate truffle. I gained five pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 11/12/2018 01:50

Today, I woke up from a dream that I was being chased by an amputated mammoth foot. This is not the worst dream I have had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 4

By "jojolovesyou134" - 10/12/2018 21:12

Today, I fell down some stairs... I'm so used to it I didn't realize I was hurt until the adrenaline wore off... 2 hrs later in front of my supervisor... FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 2

By WhyCatwhy? - 10/12/2018 18:57

Today, I’m cat sitting for a friend this week and not even a half hour in and one of the cats decides to hairball on the small decorative carpet surrounded by wood flooring.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 1

By Anonomous - 10/12/2018 14:37

Today I was really happy because I got my new iphone XR. But as soon as I opened it my brother punshed me in the head, so I fell and the whole screen was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

By CardiB - 10/12/2018 00:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, my mom opened a letter, it says I owe some lawyer 3000. I had fired the lawyer and he thinks he can still charge me and overbill me. I pay my ex wife 6k a month, and paid for her masters degree and she refuses to work and lives with her parents at home and bitches when i pick my son up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 5

By Sarahlia - 10/12/2018 06:48

Today, I was told I had missed my training class, which I needed to get a $10000 scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 7

By "Imtoolazytothinkofabettername" - 10/12/2018 05:08

Today while walking downstairs I dropped my computer and the hinge broke (meaning it's stick permanently open). Now my dad wants me to pay for it with my 5-dollars-a-week allowance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 7

By Adriana - 10/12/2018 02:06

Today, my father is living through his fourth marriage. This is not bad actually, the sad part is that of the four woman he has married in his life, the only one that seems to love me is his first ex-wife, while my two stepmothers and even my own mom couldn't care less about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 1

By toomuchwork - 09/12/2018 15:30

Today, the girl i am in love with drunk texted me that she loves me. That's the second time this has happened. She cannot even say she has feelings for me when she is sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 09/12/2018 04:44

Today, my roommate got fired. Why did he get fired? At work a customer handed him a $100 bill for a $. 50 cent item and he got annoyed so he gave the customer his change in loonies. Hello paying the whole rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 0

By EzzerGTEG - 09/12/2018 03:15

Today, my 11 year old daughter was on Instagram. She was following loads of meme pages. I was looking over her shoulder, and on one of the posts from a meme account it said ‘double tap if you love your mum’ she read it and scrolled right past it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 11

By "Rusmir Karic" - 07/12/2018 17:57

I have the volatile poops so bad I've had to stop at 3 different gas stations on the same stretch of road.

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 0

By "emeraldapostle" - 07/12/2018 13:47

Today, I was put in the middle of a decision; either sleep without a heater on and see my breath at night, or sleep with a heater, and risk heat stroke. There's no middle ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 5

By Cantshejust'use'therightword - 07/12/2018 12:09

Today, my mother yelled at me to get out of her sight because of my terrible attitude tonight. What did I do? When she reminded me to not forget to 'use' the banana I corrected her and said that I 'eat' food, not 'use' it. Apparently that means I have a bad attitude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 29

By sigma - 07/12/2018 06:09

Today, my mom yelled and screamed at me in public for five minutes straight because I “gave her a dirty look.” I wasn’t mad at her or anything, I just have resting bitch face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 7

By Boobert - 07/12/2018 05:30

Today, I held the door open for my crush in my math class. She told me, "Thank you", then I just followed her up the stairs and down the hallway in silence. That was the first time she ever spoke to me and with only five days left in the semester I feel like I'm making great progess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 11

By Pipsqueak - 07/12/2018 03:45

Today, my friends and I were doing a musical recording based on a video game. As I sang my part in a duet, I hit a high sour note. The guy who was singing next to me said "Oh, I didn't know you were an early bloomer." I'm a grown woman playing the role of a 10 year old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 7

By Jest - 07/12/2018 00:37

Today I went into my local labor union looking for information on local apprenticeships but the union rep wasn't in, so I took one of his cards from the door. On my way home I took a look at the card so that I knew who I was calling. Turns out that he is the father of one of my ex-girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By "willkftw" - 06/12/2018 18:34 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it's the first real hot day of summer. Today is also the day my car's aircon compressor decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 2

By cdm2 - 06/12/2018 07:40

Today, I discovered that I caught lice from my granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 7

By poorthing - 06/12/2018 07:09

Today I was a kickoff meeting for a project we are starting on. The boss wanted my team to commit a date and work backwards, before I even know the scope of the work to be done. And when I point it out, it's dismissed as if it's not important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

By westoz - 06/12/2018 05:05

Today, I was sitting next to my bf on the sofa while watching one of our favourite tv shows. My hand was on his thigh when he lovingly looks me in the eyes, holds my hand and slowly puts my hand on his crotch. Romance isn’t dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 18

By BKRB - 05/12/2018 18:49 - United States - Washington

Today I drove to a new area, parked and took off for an afternoon jog. Two hours later, I panicked! I forgot where I parked and it was dark outside. After searching with no luck, I ordered an Uber and later found my car. I got in the car and took another loss VIA call #dumpedbeforechristmas WOW FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 31

By Peter - 05/12/2018 22:24

Today, I’m gay and I just confessed to my friend whom I had feelings for for the past year. Nobody knows I’m gay so he took it as a joke and even if I told him that my feelings for him are real he just ignored it and acted like nothing ever happened. I feel heartbroken.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 12

By "Amanda G Rich" - 05/12/2018 22:03

Today, is the umpteenth time my cars broke down. Cars is plural. I should just tell all my employers that everytime I get a new job my car breaks down in the first month of work from now on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 3

By doesitmatter - 05/12/2018 20:53

Today me and my now ex-gf of 3 years who's been treating me like shit for the past year finally broke up and has left me empty. I've just graduated and depressed. Later my parents told me how successful my friend is and after confronting that I overheard them saying how big of a failure I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 5

By RogiBear - 05/12/2018 20:50

Today I was asked if I would be able to make it to a funeral... for a grandparent I didn't know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 13:32 - New Zealand

Today I woke up to find my kitten had not only taken a massive shit in my shoe but then proceeded to walk through it and then all over my brand new white sheets and duvet...FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 9

By Eh.. - 05/12/2018 15:31

Today I was randomly checking my browsing history and validating it's clean and I ended up finding various sites I can only attribute to my mother. That would have been bearable, but I only cleaned my history and started browsing incognito last week. She probably saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 20

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 170

You deserved it 6 383

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 403

Today, I was expecting a package from a few days ago, but it still hadn't arrived. As I was going to work, I found it at my grandma's house. Why didn't my grandma tell me, you ask? She died last year. My package was mistakenly delivered to A DEAD PERSON. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 116

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 321

You deserved it 4 275

Today, my friend installed this new application that shows you what a girl would look like as a boy and what a boy would look like as a girl. Well I'm a girl and when it was my turn it didn't change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 5 024

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 682

You deserved it 62 843