Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 13:20 - United States

Today, at work a man brought in his dog he told me to fix it and left. I'm a lawyer FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By beautifulmymy - 16/04/2016 13:11 - United States

Today, I took a day off of work at a place I hate to go to a job fair in hopes of working at the airport. Just to find out that I'm too young to work there and should re-apply in a couple of months. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 13:01 - United States - Bozeman

Today, After filling out a 30 page online application for my dream job all night, I was rejected. This wouldn't have been so bad if the reason was for not checking one out of hundreds of boxes. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By A Broke College Student - 16/04/2016 12:55 - United States

Today, after arguing with my best friend, who also has my card saved in his pizza delivery app, I woke up to find a $300 charge on my account from Dominos. When asked about it, all he had to say was, "We needed pizza at my party, and Cassidy thought it would be funny." Cassidy is my girlfriend.

agreeclassic 4

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By crossfithuff57 - 16/04/2016 12:49 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I discovered that the persons $5000 dog I was supposed to baby sit for a month, actually went with the family, only did I find this out after I printed 250 sheets of laminated paper looking for the lost dog, along with a $1000 reward. They forgot to tell me.

agreeclassic 3

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By Jo - 16/04/2016 12:31 - United States - San Antonio

Today I was in on a group text at work. Nothing nasty, just BSing. I texted back, "You would try the patience of the Dali Lama". Accidentally sent it to my boss, who is Muslim. Quickly realized and texted, "sorry, this was meant for my husband". He never said a word. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By oops - 16/04/2016 12:15 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today I met a girl at a bar, long dark hair, hour glass figure, absolute stunner. We went back to her place only for me to find out this gorgeous woman was a transgender. In the heat of it all, we had sex anyway. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Skyfoogle - 16/04/2016 12:04 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, my brother sent me a picture of a mirror, thinking I'd be able to see myself. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By Martin - 16/04/2016 12:01 - Australia - Kelmscott

Today my wife decided since her father was now dead it was time to make some changes. The first one being that I had to move out so that the woman she's been having an affair with for the last 18 months can move in. I was the stay at home parent, now I'm not. I'm unemployed and homeless instead. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By Iceismylife - 16/04/2016 11:51 - Australia - Coorparoo

Today, my habbit of eating ice-cubes reached a new level, when I decided I needed to take a cup of it into the shower with me. I couldn't wait. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By sleepless - 16/04/2016 11:42 - United States - New Windsor

Today is my fourth day with acute gastritis. I cannot eat anything without throwing it right back up, including drinks. I also have a 104 fever. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By what a preformance - 16/04/2016 11:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I went to play at a very famous concert hall with my school's orchestra. This would have been great had I not caught an extreme version of the flu, had a raging fever, gotten mild hallucinations, and thrown up twice. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Poisin_Kat - 16/04/2016 10:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was leaving my computer to help my Mom, when I trip over the cords of both my mouse and headset. In doing so, I managed to knock my entire $1,000 PC tower over. After lifting it, and making sure everything was working, my dog wanted to see what happened, and knocked it over yet again. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By With friends like these.. - 16/04/2016 10:55 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, after a night of drinking with some friends I woke up feeling very nauseous and dizzy. I texted my friend who lives in the same dorm to help me get out of bed to throw up. He replied "It can't be that bad" and went out instead. Shortly after I threw up in my bed. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By TearfulHumanitiesStudent - 16/04/2016 09:40 - Portugal - Camarate

Today, my medication, that I started taking to help me with my mental instability in my first year of highschool, since I was completely incapable of being a student, hasn''t helped me as much as I thought. I realised this after crying in my attic for an hour due to a group project. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Zedscar - 16/04/2016 09:39 - Sweden

Today, as a student midwife, I performed my first vaginal examination. I’d been warned that it's a difficult skill to master, so I was very surprised when I could easily tell the baby's head position. Unfortunately without thinking, the first thing I blurted out was “Wow! This feels amazing!”. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Nafz - 16/04/2016 09:25 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I was walking to college on Monday, without taking the bus, on my first day back after holidays. I was feeling good and pumped then a seagull dropped a massive shit pinpoint right on top of my head. I did not have any tissue and had to walk into college with shit dripping from my hair FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 08:44 - United States - Desoto

Today, I realized that, due to past episodes of not breathing at night that have since been resolved, I have in essence become a full-grown adult who is terrified of the dark, and I am unable to go to bed without a large light. My soon-to-be husband can't sleep with even a dot of an LED visible. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 08:32 - United States - San Diego

Today, my boyfriend called condoms the "biggest scam in history" and said I won't get pregnant if I just wash myself out with vinegar after we finish. FML

agreeclassic 26 444

vote type 1 2 765

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 08:28 - Italy - Turin

Today, I finally trusted my gut and did some digging on social media. Turns out my boyfriend never deactivated his account, only blocked me so he could keep his other girlfriend a secret from me. They've been dating for 4 months out of our 6 1/2 month relationship. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By H - 16/04/2016 08:27 - United States - Yerington

Today I joined Tinder. I recently went through soul tearing breakup and I'm not moving on, I just wanted someone to tell me I'm pretty. What I got was my ex telling me to enjoy being a tinderella and being fucked by troll people. He lives in Australia. Facebook and tinder communicate. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 08:02 - United States - Hixson

Today, my long distance boyfriend dumped me, via Facebook. This wouldn't be a huge issue if I had not learned his native language and just moved 7,000 kilometers to his country on a different continent. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By butterfly403 - 16/04/2016 07:23 - United States - Durant

Today, I stepped outside of my work and lit a cigarette. Not ten feet away I see a woman look right at me, then turn to her friends and say very loudly, "I don't understand why pregnant people smoke." I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By why - 16/04/2016 07:15 - United States - Victorville

Today, I drive 40 miles to visit my boyfriend after a really long day of things going wrong. I ran over his foot only 1 minute into the visit. Fml.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 06:56 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I finally bought the perfect prom dress. Unfortunately, I left the bag down in the kitchen. I'm now down one prom dress, but the dog has a new chew toy. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Andei - 16/04/2016 06:46 - Russian Federation - Solnechnogorsk

Today, our cat killed and partially devoured our pet rabbits. To help our children grieve and to learn about the process of death, we planned a funeral. When we came outside to bury the rabbits, we found the cat pooping in the hole we had dug for their grave. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Undercover Agent - 16/04/2016 06:34 - United States - Shenandoah

Today, my boss yelled at me for having my phone on me at work. Normally, this would be fine as it is against the rules. However, I work at a store and was actually shopping as a customer off the clock. He didn't believe me. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By oddly weirded out - 16/04/2016 06:17 - United States - Meadville

Today, my step-brother announced that he has a crush on me and has liked me for a while. He was also talking a few days before about step-brothers and sisters doing stuff... Looks like I'm not wearing shorts around him anymore. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By Auevan33 - 16/04/2016 06:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, not even an hour after losing my virginity to my boyfriend of 3 years, he broke up with me saying that he has had feelings for my best friend for the past 6 months. I told said friend this and she blocked him. He is now angry and blames me for him not having a chance with her. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By SharpshotxXx29 - 16/04/2016 06:07 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I was eating dinner when I felt a fart coming on. I let it loose, but it turned out to be a little bit more that a fart. I couldn't go home and change, because I had a ceremony to attend in a few minutes, so I was forced to sit on a shart for almost 2 hours. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

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Today, like every day, I made myself some coffee with my Keurig, but today I discovered a lot of mold growing inside it. I guess that explains why I've been so sick and feel like my lungs have been on fire the last few weeks. FML

agreeclassic 3 909

vote type 1 2 035

Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML

agreeclassic 1 380

vote type 1 286

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

agreeclassic 30 481

vote type 1 2 790

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

agreeclassic 13 014

vote type 1 28 800

Today, while doing a course abroad, I went to buy some condoms at a supermarket, because my boyfriend was joining me for the weekend. I don’t really understand the language in this country, but I clearly understood that the cashier was suggesting we try them out together. FML

agreeclassic 894

vote type 1 155

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

agreeclassic 27 919

vote type 1 1 810