Nearly FMLs

By joshwalraven - 17/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she went to the bathroom and I got a text from her saying, "Last night was sooo great I can't wait until tonight" It was at this point I realized I wasn't with her last night. And that I was going to drop her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 03:56 - United States - Grand Ridge

Today, my sister noticed an ugly zit inside of my ear canal. She offered me 5 dollars if she could be the one to pop it. I'm so self conscious that I gave her 20 dollars to leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sockhop - 17/04/2016 03:51 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my husband decided he doesn't want to have sex anymore. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By rip to me - 17/04/2016 03:36 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend told his dad that he was dating me. His dad laughed and said "you, have a girlfriend ? With that face ?" I'm meeting him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 03:35 - United States - Ellenwood

Today, I was so lonely I answered a 20 minute telemarketing survey about life insurance just because it felt so good to talk to another human being. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By unhappily married - 17/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my fiancé told me he cheated on me an hour before the wedding. I was angry, but we had spent so much money on the wedding, and our friends and family were so excited that had flown in from all over that I couldn't break it off in time to get back any deposits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Sick of it - 17/04/2016 03:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, in class the girl who sits near me went to the washroom, when she got back she expressed in detail how green the phlegm she coughed up in there was. To show she pointed at my shirt and yelled 'THAT GREEN!' Everybody laughed at me while I turned crazy red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By KawaiiLettuce - 17/04/2016 03:22 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boyfriend bought the cheapest condoms he could find; At least he didn't use them on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 03:12 - United States - Clayton

Tonight while working at the grocery store a nice man came in with a couple of toddlers. He paid for his groceries on a card and when that wasn't enough he gave me four dollars. Four damp dollars. Four damp dollars that caused my hands and cash register to smell like urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anon - 17/04/2016 03:11 - United States

Today, my best friend (who is homosexual) wrote a poem giving a vivid description of his preferences in sexual intercourse. It was discovered in my pocket by my step father after my pants had been washed. I now live in a constant state of explaining that I am in fact a heterosexual FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By oceanic_bluee - 17/04/2016 03:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I discovered that the medication I'm taking for a bacterial infection ended but giving me a yeast infection as well. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By embarrassing myself - 17/04/2016 03:06 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was at my friends house and leaked through my tampon. I went to the bathroom to clean up. I thought everything was fine and dandy until his brother went in and shouted "Oi! Dan, did you get a nose bleed?", to which he responded "No.". Turns out, I left huge blood drop on the seat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anon - 17/04/2016 03:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I get home from working a horrible and long shift at a hospital on a child unit, only to find my naked, blackout drunk husband puking and blabbering nonsense, falling over, and climbing on me. I feel like I'm back at work all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By tana95 - 17/04/2016 03:00 - United States - Frisco

Today, I accidentally looked at my sergeant's crotch. I looked up to see that he saw me. He smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By privatepolicy99 - 17/04/2016 02:47 - United States - Laurel

Today, I woke up to find that I had thrown up, while sleeping, on my gf. She was writing a break up letter using my own vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By squilliam214 - 17/04/2016 02:35 - United States - New York

Today, Whilst taking a stroll on my vacation to England I saw a man giving another man a handjob in an alleyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By kasindra - 17/04/2016 02:26 - United States - Arvada

Today, I learned why my boyfriend says such hurtful things all the time. He thinks it's cute when I pout. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 02:20 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I had a date night with my long term boyfriend. I just realized that all evening I probably got more attention from the drive thru guy. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By popularonion - 17/04/2016 02:19 - Canada - London

Today, I showed my mom an impressive trick I'd learned involving me bouncing a ball on my head, then catching it in my mouth. After I finished, I waited for some form of appreciation. "I'm not clapping for a trick that a dog can do," she said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 01:55 - Australia

Today, while at rowing training, I forgot which way was left and rowed on my right, only to run into a tree and fall out of the boat. My coach was just laughing at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By gearhead369 - 17/04/2016 01:52 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pizza after a long day of work. I opened the door to the smell of a shitnado bomb that had gone off. My poor dog had explosive diarrhea all over the house and I spent 40 minutes cleaning it up. I can't get the smell of shit out of my nose. No pizza for me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anon - 17/04/2016 01:48 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I painted my nails while laying in bed. Once they dried I went under my blankets and started to feel something wet on my legs. Turns out I spilt nail polish all over my bed, I'm now currently covered in red nail polish and ruined my $100 white comforter, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By drunk care taker - 17/04/2016 01:44 - United States - Wittmann

Today, I'm recovering from the surgery I had yesterday. My husband decided he needed to get drunk instead of take care of me. I'm about to pee the bed because I can't get up. I've needed my pain meds since 3 am. kill me please. fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By 2fargone4u - 17/04/2016 01:42 - United States - Orlando

Today, I turned 6 months pregnant, my husband thinks its a good time (after begging to have a baby) to tell me that he loves me but I'm just not attractive to him anymore when I look like this. I have only gained 8 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Ian - 17/04/2016 01:31 - United States

Today, in class we were asked to pass around our essay rough drafts and revise each other's work. After I had carefully read and examined several papers I received my essay back. There was no comments on it other than I big "kys" which had been scrawled over the front. I really hate my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By mr crabs is unfair - 17/04/2016 00:56 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, I went to a job interview. The interviewer was the person I got into a fist fight with over the last crab leg at a buffet a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By flowersbloom - 17/04/2016 00:19 - United States - Savannah

Today, I went to a 3 hour intense fitness class. The instructor didn't believe in AC so the room was 83 degrees. I accidentally wore my thermal leggings for below zero temperatures instead of my normal leggings. I had nothing to change into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 00:16 - Pakistan - Rawalpindi

Today, I got caught masturbating. I was in the full swing and right when I was about to cum I saw a shadow and when I turned around it was my sister. She tried to ignore and asked about laundry and amidst this talk I came, more than ever before. Ashamed to death. 23M. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By jamierson - 16/04/2016 23:53 - United States - Shell Lake

Today, I got in a car accident while driving with my learners permit. The witness lied about what happened to avoid getting in trouble so now the accident is deemed as my fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By DabForMe - 16/04/2016 23:44 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my cat decided it was a good idea to jump onto the counter, push a candle over, and start the curtains on fire. The firemen came, and laughed when I told them what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 213

You deserved it 3 819

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 571

You deserved it 4 411

Today, my wife has locked herself in the bedroom crying because I said I didn't want to go to Disney for a vacation this year. We have been to Disney eight times in five years. Every vacation, it's Disney, Disney, Disney! I'm fucking sick of Disney! FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 101

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 216

Today, I found out that when my now ex-fiance said he “needs time to think about it” when he got cold feet at our wedding, he meant he needed time to screw his hot young coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 156

Today, my driving instructor failed me on my test, because I forgot to turn the air conditioning off after parking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 213

You deserved it 5 897