Nearly FMLs

By fml - 17/04/2016 17:49 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was walking down a street when a couple approached me. They told me that I had beautiful skin and a lovely figure with wide hips. If this wasn't creepy enough, they asked whether I would carry their in-vitro child for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 17/04/2016 17:47 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, only two hours after getting married, my husband called me his ex-wife's name.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By NotSoGreatGatsby - 17/04/2016 17:44 - United States - Covington

Today, I came home to find my window broken into. The only thing I found missing from my house was a bag of chips I bought yesterday. Someone destroyed my window for a $2 bag of chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By acerredrum - 17/04/2016 17:44 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I playfully pretended to slit my friends throat with my finger and then went in for a hug. He went into self defense mod and I was body slammed over the edge of the couch. I felt my back pop in at least six places quickly followed by horrible pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 17:35 - United States - Bronx

Today, days before our fifth month together my boyfriend asks for space, saying he had family problems and he just needed a few days. I go to his Facebook to reply and see his newly born child on his feed with the woman he's cheating on me with. So I'M the side chick if you do the math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By iceicelady - 17/04/2016 17:31 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Last friday me and my boyfriend went to a bar with some friends. He then found out that there were slot machines there. After being there for an hour he came to me running and told me he had won $1000. But in all the excitement he forgot to cash out in the machine and someone else took the ticket.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By maemismile - 17/04/2016 17:25 - United States - Trenton

Today, I fucked up. My mom and I were hanging out, watching tv. She said something could go "either way" in regards to the show we were watching. I responded with "Same!" out of habit. She didn't know I was bisexual. She still hasn't spoken to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By tryingtorecover - 17/04/2016 17:18 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my husband is supposed to be taking care of me after surgery. He is drunk, crying over I don't know, throwing stuff, and acting like I did him wrong. I can't move to get my pain meds. I haven't had water since the day before the surgery. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By tryingtorecover - 17/04/2016 17:17 - United States - Los Angeles

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By classicate - 17/04/2016 17:16 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I found out that I would be more comfortable talking to a random stranger than I would be with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By daidax_238 - 17/04/2016 17:11 - United States - Dayton

Today, my dad yelled at me and my sister for asking him to take us to church because our mom didn't feel well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ithurtstothink - 17/04/2016 16:58 - United States - Potomac

Today, my fiancé broke up with me. Everything I had planned for the future revolved around us, and I don't know what to do next. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By PumaGator - 17/04/2016 16:51 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning up my lawn for my parents. Note that I have a traumatizing fear of spider webs. Midway into cleaning, I tripped over a vine and face planted in one of the largest spider webs I've ever seen. It is 3 hours later and I'm still recovering from a panic attack. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bommkyr - 17/04/2016 16:46

Today, My girlfriend and I moved into our new house. Upon opening the front, there was a god-awful smell to greet us. Turns out the old tenants left there dead cat in the attic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By DJ - 17/04/2016 16:41 - United States - Atlanta

Yesterday, I slept over at my girlfriend's house. My mom was out with her friends in New York and I didn't know where my dad was. So we watched some movies and went to sleep. Then we wake up to something banging downstairs. We walk down there and her mom is on top of my dad. That was the banging.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 16:32 - United States - Golden

Today, I spent 3 hours shoveling snow off my driveway because of a crazy spring snow storm. Two minutes after I finished a snow plow drove down our street doing everyone's driveways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sadlabbit - 17/04/2016 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today,I passed many odourless farts. Or I thought so, until when people started pinching their noses when they walk past me. I guess my sense of smell has deteriorated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Urine Idiot - 17/04/2016 15:55 - United States - Lexington

Today, while urinating, the head of my penis began to swell with my pee. I freaked out at first, until the condom burst off, covering me and the toilet in urine shrapnel. My girlfriend has told our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By fallingstarr08 - 17/04/2016 15:14 - United States - Brazil

Today, after non-stop texting every day, kisses every time we part ways, him paying for movies and dinners, I asked the man I've been in love with for 5 months if we could be officially together. His response? "Can we just be friends?"

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By popularonion - 17/04/2016 15:05

Today, I accidentally let out a big sigh in the middle of a silent classroom. According to my friends, it sounded like a sex moan. So that's why everybody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By embarrassed01 - 17/04/2016 15:05 - United States - Rogers

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking just to find out I texted a guy a like 207 times. Looks like I won't be getting a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By WonderfulFather - 17/04/2016 15:04 - United States - Spokane

Today, I hit a dog with my car. Too bad it was the puppy I got for my four year old son the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By GreatTiming - 17/04/2016 14:44 - United States - Washington

Today, I got my period a full week earlier than expected. I found out when my boyfriend took his finger out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By cuckolded - 17/04/2016 14:21 - Belgium - Berchem

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend her 'other boyfriend' should clean up after himself after I found a used tissue. Turns out all those times when she 'jokingly' told me she was cheating on me, she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anon - 17/04/2016 14:00 - United States - Huntsville

Last night I had my first kiss with my girlfriend. My best friend also had his first kiss... With my girl friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hahaokok - 17/04/2016 13:53 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mom announced she is getting married to the guy next door with three kids. One of those kids and I have been hooking up for three months now. He will soon be my brother, FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By UnauthorizedPersonnel - 17/04/2016 13:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my wife's paranoid possessiveness of me reached new levels. She spent an hour fretting that the cleaning staff in the hotel we are staying in might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Twerk Thunder - 17/04/2016 13:34 - United States - Feasterville Trevose

Today, while sleeping at my friends house, I got up to use the toilet. I emptied my whole bladder into the toilet. too bad it was a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By TooOld - 17/04/2016 13:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to Costco to print some passport photos of myself and my husband. They asked if he was my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By wheredidigowrong - 17/04/2016 13:00 - United States

Today, I have been rejected from twenty different graduate programs and law schools. Academics are literally my only skill, and my advisors and professors swore up and down that I would get in anywhere I applied. No one will tell me what I've done wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 084

You deserved it 3 772

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 097

You deserved it 7 737

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 425

You deserved it 3 479

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 683

You deserved it 11 523

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 154

You deserved it 3 852

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 316

You deserved it 48 688